This week's episode of Botched
introduces us to our future reality show obsession, a Madonna
a woman whose botched surgery made her look like Miss Piggy.
Saaphyri, Reality Rock Star
Saaphyri has the vaguely recognizable face of a reality show lifer. You know you've seen her before in those hours lost to half-watching VH1 (ahem, Flavor of Love
), but you can't quite place where.
So why is she visiting Dr. Terry Dubrow and Dr. Paul Nassif? Saaphyri is here to correct a botched surgery that left a prominent dent across her stomach. She wants to reduce her breasts and top it all off with a little lipo as well.
"I need my breasts to be professional breasts, not stripper breasts," she declares. Her previous plastic surgeon sounds like the stuff of legend: After a patient died in his home, he was found murdered at a Frostee Freeze in L.A.
She ends up with 34DDs and an internal girdle to keep her stomach flat. Saaphyri rents a limo and surprises her friends with a brand-new rack. "The limo," she says in a rare moment of metaphoric reflection, "represents long-term success. Stretched-out success ... Beverly Hills has no idea what's coming for them."
Adam, Madonna Impersonator
"I'm known as the Madonna who had plastic surgery to look like Madonna," Adam (a.k.a. the drag queen Venus D Lite) says by way of introduction. He's had seven procedures to look like his idol, but he's reached a point in his career in which he just needs a new nose.
Adam shows up for his consultation in full Madonna drag. But after looking up a picture of her nose, the doctors are not convinced that Adam has much work to be done. "Your nose is like a younger version of Madonna's," Dubrow says. They warn that if they do anything to Adam's nose, they will make it look worse, not better. He decides to hold off on the surgery – for now.
Diana, Obstructed Airway
Diana went to a plastic surgeon recommended by her sister to get her septum fixed and ended up looking like Miss Piggy. She waited a year before going back to the original plastic surgeon to get her nose fixed, but he had mysteriously disappeared. "Nobody really knew what happened," she tells the doctors.
He wasn't a fan of Frostee Freeze, was he?
Her surgery is a complicated one that involves fracturing the nasal bone. Mid-surgery, Nassif also decides to cut into the nostrils in order to make them smaller after consulting with Diana's sister. It's a risky decision as Diana isn't awake to approve it, but that's plastic surgeons for you: They live on the edge.
Diana heals up nicely, and, six weeks later, she hosts a coming-out party for her nose. "Now she'll finally be happy," says one of her sisters.
Happiness, it seems, really is just a nose job away!
airs Sundays (10 p.m. ET) on E!