"I am plus-plus-size actress Amy Schumer," she said as she took the stage.
"Thank you for this trophy, covering the reason I have to write my own [stuff]," the Trainwreck star joked, holding the award over her midsection. "If you're an actress and you have this area right here, you have to write your own stuff if you want to get it made."
Schumer, 34, went on to poke fun at the reaction to her practically naked Pirelli calendar picture, shot by Annie Leibovitz.
"This is where I get really brave. That's what you want everybody to say when a naked photo of you goes viral, you want them to say: 'What a brave photo.' Like wow, thanks. Thank you."
A few other gems? When she thanked managers she fired ("I thought I could make slightly more money with other people so I went to them"), and when she called herself out in the middle of her speech: "This is so boring, I'm so sorry. Shut up Amy. No one cares."
Schumer thanked the critics, saying she felt "very seen and heard" by them, as well as Trainwreck's director Judd Apatow for believing in her: "Thank you so much, I can't believe that this whole year has happened and that Judd let me tell my story and I'm so happy I don't have to talk about how autobiographical it is anymore."
As for the cast of Inside Amy Schumer, the comedian thanked them too, saying: "We drink every Friday to blackout but none of us have ever hooked up."
Schumer also threw in a special shoutout to her boyfriend Ben Hanisch, who was her date at the award show.
She also took home the award for best actress in a comedy for her hit movie Trainwreck.
"Ew, who wants to hear from this b---- again?" she joked as she took the stage for the second time.