From the dungeons of the Red Keep to the wilderness beyond the Wall, all of Westeros was taking stock of their father figures. Some exchanged old mentors for new, while others finally realized how crappy their daddies really were. One thing's for sure – after the events of this episode, most of our characters are going to need a lot of therapy.
Major spoilers below! Proceed at your own risk!
Beyond the WallIt's been a long time since Jon Snow has seen his father, but Ned Stark casts a long shadow over all the surrogates he's encountered over the course of his Night's Watch adventures. Lord Commander Mormont fought Jon about duty, Qhorin Halfhand taught him to bend the rules and Mance Rayder taught him about trust. When Jon approaches Mance's camp on an assassination mission, there's a palpable Oedipal feeling in the air.
But before Jon can cut Mance down, someone else does it for him: Stannis Baratheon, who arrives with his army just in time to slaughter the wildling army that's been camped out since last week.
Mance surrenders to Stannis, and all of a sudden Jon's got a new father figure to deal with. This one will likely prove difficult, though Stannis begrudgingly lets Jon convince him to spare Mance's life. Even more worrisome is Jon's new red-headed stepmom, Melisandre, seen giving our young crow an enigmatic glance over a funeral pyre at Castle Black. Was she attracted by the flames, or something else?
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Game of Thrones is often at its best when it lets its pulpy side take over, and the battle that ensues is sheer Harryhausen, with Meera engaging the skeleton soldiers in hand-to-hand combat, poor Jojen losing his life (just like he predicted he would) and the deus ex machina arrival of one of the Children of the Forest, who defeats the wights with the magic of her people (fireballs, it turns out).
MeereenDaenerys isn't a father, but as one of her many titles claims, she is the mother to three increasingly unruly children. Just as she's quite literally laying down the law in her throne room, she receives some heartbreaking news: Drogon, last seen feasting on goats, has now progressed to feasting on children. Rather than re-enact God of Carnage, she springs into action.
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The ValeAfter three seasons featuring multiple characters wandering around the countryside, some of them were bound to run into each other. The lucky traveler is Brienne, who chances upon Arya in the hillsides outside the Bloody Gate. The two warrior women share a brief moment of connection, but it's interrupted by the arrival of the Hound, which suddenly makes Arya's identity clear.
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The fight begins with epic swordplay and a dramatic swordfight – Brienne's territory, in other words – but before long the strings have cut out and the swords have been knocked away, and we're left with two grunting brawlers out to inflict the maximum amount of pain on each other, by any means necessary.
Bloody and broken, Sandor begs Arya to end his life. She stares at him for what seems like an eternity, listening to his pleas with a disturbing lack of emotion. Finally she takes action, robbing him and making her way to the nearest port. There's nothing and nobody left for her in Westeros; why not see what Braavos has in store?
King's LandingAll across the capital, the Lannister children are in revolt. Cersei has had enough of her engagement to Loras Tyrell, and tries to get out of it the only way she can think of: blackmail. She tells her father the truth about her and Jaime – and if Tywin doesn't release her from the union, soon the whole kingdom will.
Emboldened by her newfound truth-telling, she makes her way to Jaime's chambers, where she promptly seduces her twin. Maybe it's the relative lack of consensual sex on this show, but the result is one of the hottest scenes they've ever done.
"People will whisper," Cersei tells Jaime, "but they're so small, I don't see them. I love my brother." As with everything the Queen Regent does, it's hard to tell how much of this is a nefarious plan and how much of it is a reaction to the moment, but we're touched all the same.
What happens next might be a bridge too far for Tyrion's character: Though the show tries to soften the blow by having Shae reach for a knife, he strangles her with her necklace. Afterward, he apologizes, though not in a voice we've ever heard Tyrion use before. It's high-pitched and stilted, as if the Imp were in the process of being possessed by Norman Bates. Clearly, he's snapped.
At least Tywin dies doing what he loved: Telling Tyrion he was never his son. Tyrion disagrees. "I am your son," he says, firing one last arrow. "I have always been your son."
Happy Father's Day! We'll see you next spring.