"I pray that one morning I just don't wake up," the singer, 40, said of struggling with terminal cancer in an emotional interview with Cindy Watts of The Tennessean for their Sunday paper. "But I don't fear anything because I'm so close to God and we've talked about it so many times. I know he's close. And I know he loves me. I'm really at peace. I still believe there's healing in prayer."
Feek has been bonding with family and friends in her hometown of Alexandria, Indiana, alongside her husband, Rory, and their baby girl, Indiana, 20 months, after entering hospice care last week.
The country star, who is one half of the singing duo Joey + Rory with her husband, was diagnosed with cervical cancer in May 2014 and underwent a radical hysterectomy. Although she had an aggressive treatment plan – including additional surgery, chemotherapy and radiation – Joey's tumors grew back. Doctors said she had six months to live in October, but the estimate seems to have changed.
"I wasn't mad at him, I wasn't upset. I was just greatly disappointed," Joey said of her connection with God and reaction to her heartbreaking prognosis. "I really thought we had it. I thought, 'I'm going to be that exception. I'm going to be that statistic that stands out and says, 'She fought it.' "
Joey added, "We did the most extreme surgery we can do in the gynecologic world ... but for whatever reason, it wasn't enough, and God had different plans. I was disappointed. I was exhausted."
Courtesy Rory Feek
"More than anything, I felt like I failed at something," she said while crying. "I thought I did everything. But God decided for me that my job of singing for people down here is my legacy, and he needs me singing up there. That's how I look at it."
With the treatment behind her, Joey has focused on making herself as pain-free as possible.
"I'm doing all these alternative things and taking things I've never taken before – organic, all natural and homeopathic. It can't hurt," she said. "I'm doing all I can do to be more comfortable."
Meanwhile, Joey's husband has been sharing the inspiring couple's brave fight on his blog, This Life I Live. In his latest entry, titled "A Bus Full of Joy," Rory touches on a trip their close friends made from Tennessee to Indiana.
"They were all coming to tell her goodbye," he wrote. "Joey was tired and slept a lot of that day, but she was also excited. She knew she couldn't see all of her friends, but she could at least see a few and tell them how much she loves them and listen to them share their feelings with her."
Then Rory revealed that Joey has already given him directions for when she passes.
"A rough-cut wooden box with a cross on it was placed beneath the bay of the bus and brought up here because that's what Joey wants. 'Thomas to make my box ... simple, from wood at [our farm in Pottsville, Tennessee],' she said. 'And find a good spot in the family cemetery in the field behind our house, where we put your mama's ashes last year ... with room enough beside my headstone for you to join me someday ... in God's time.'"