Melissa Rivers Says Mother's Day Is 'an Emotional Trainwreck' as She Celebrates Second Holiday Without Joan

Melissa Rivers Says Mother's Day Talks Second Mother's Day Without Joan
From left: Joan Rivers, Cooper Endicott and Melissa Rivers
Rick Rowell/Getty

05/07/2016 AT 01:05 AM EDT

Melissa Rivers is still coping with celebrating Mother's Day without her mother Joan Rivers, who died in 2014 at the age of 81.

In a personal blog post, the Fashion Police star opens up about how she's dealing with the emotions that come with the holiday – which she calls an "emotional train wreck" – revealing that therapy and medication have helped her cope.

"This will be the second Mother's Day since she died, and while the loss has been profound, I've filled the giant space in my life she occupied with other things, like grief, anger, fear, and Xanax. And work," Rivers, 48, writes. "I've been busy, busy, busy, throwing myself into lots of projects: Fashion Police, writing books, and developing TV shows. The only thing I haven't been working on is myself."

Rivers continues, sharing that her friends and others close to her urged her to seek therapy, and she did. Subsequently at her doctor's urging, Rivers started journaling as a coping mechanism.



Although she's only just started and was skeptical about the idea at first, the mother of one remembered how her own mom wrote in a journal – which became the 2013 book release Diary of a Mad Diva – and decided it was worth a try.

While she's yet to decide if the diary is working, she has figured out how her 14-year-old son Edgar operates.

After years of encouraging gift ideas, Rivers was finally candid with the teenager, overtly expressing what she wants this year.

"I told him I didn't want him to buy me flowers, or go shopping or make something out of soda cans, in the garage," she writes. "All I want for Mother's Day is 24 straight hours without him scowling, rolling his eyes or making dismissive sucking sounds at me with his tongue."

Rivers can only hope, but she's not waging any bets.

"We'll see what happens," she added.
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