Nicole Kidman Opens Up About Her Father, Nearly a Year After His Death: 'I'm Still Recovering and in Grief'
07/21/2015 AT 01:35 PM EDT
In a new interview with Vogue, Kidman looks back fondly at her father's memory, as she continues to grapple with the pain of his absence.
"You've caught me at a time when I'm still recovering and in grief," she said of her late father, a clinical psychologist and biochemist.
The 75-year-old died suddenly while in Singapore visiting his other daughter, Antonia, and her family.
"There are times you go, 'Gosh, I wish I could just go and hide in a hole and never come out,' " a tearful Kidman told the magazine during a conversation at her Nashville, Tennessee, home.
She recalled visiting her father – a director of health psychology at the University of Technology, Sydney – in the lab and watching him work with microscopes. She also noted that her father would be thrilled about her role as British scientist Rosalind Franklin in the production of Anna Ziegler's play Photograph 51.
"I'm getting my Ph.D. in DNA!" she added.
Following Antony's death, a family friend told WHO that the family patriarch was very close to his daughters and was a "rock to them all."
Kidman credits her husband, country star Keith Urban, with helping her cope with her father's death.
"To have my husband just step up that way ... it makes me cry. We all go through hard times in our lives, but to be literally carried by your partner, and physically, at times, because I was so devastated," the actress said on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Now, 10 months later, Kidman says she tries to focus on living in the present – and savoring life's simplest joys.
"I have a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old," she says of daughters Faith Margaret and Sunday Rose, "and just hearing their laugh ... it's life in its most powerful form."