"I'm hoping Bali is the peaceful, spiritual, cleansing moment we all need for our relationships," said Heather Dubrow, before the wives embarked on what Vicki Gunvalson described as a "900-hour" plane ride.
Dubrow treated the wives like royalty, tying Balinese crowns to their heads at the first dinner, but Gunvalson was less than impressed with the gesture.
"Guess what? We look like dumbasses!" she joked.
But the ladies threw themselves into Bali's beauty, from enjoying kayaking (and cocktails) to riding elephants (which brought an even bigger surprise than seeing the giant animals play the harmonica).
"That's the biggest wiener I've ever seen!" yelled Tamra Barney. "Look how it swings!"
"My idea of a great vacation is never an elephant wiener," laughed Gunvalson.
But the fun stopped there.
Lizzie Rovsek, still miffed that nearly all the wives blew off her birthday, was not singing "Bali Ha'i" to Barney later over drinks.
"You didn't come, you didn't call, it was totally rude," said Rovsek.
When Barney protested, reading texts the two had shared, Rovsek said, "I'm over it," although she clearly wasn't, after clips showed her crying following her birthday and taking it out on her husband.
After Barney left, Rovsek continued her attack, telling Shannon Beador that Barney not only told Dubrow about the Beadors' marital woes, she told everyone about them.
"When is this betrayal going to stop?" asked Beador.
Rovsek was just getting started, however.
"She says you need an exorcism, that you have green Martians around your head," continued Rovsek. "She makes fun of you … Vicki told me to be careful of Tamra."
"I don't get snowed. I got snowed by her," said Beador. "I can never trust Tamra again."
The monkey business – including real monkeys – continues in Bali on Monday's The Real Housewives of Orange County (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.