So, picture this: It's 7 a.m., the morning after my second rose ceremony as the Bachelor, and I'm passed out. Rose ceremony nights are exhausting, and I probably only got to sleep at about 5 a.m. I'm deep in sleep, and suddenly I hear my name being called, over and over again. I finally muster the energy to open my eyes and Jimmy FREAKING Kimmel is standing there. I honestly thought I was still dreaming.
Anyway, I'm in a daze and Jimmy Kimmel is hovering over me while I'm half-awake. And he asks me if I'm naked. The truth is … I had NO idea if I was naked or not. I don't usually sleep in the buff, but it definitely happens from time to time. I actually had to reach down and make sure I wasn't going to surprise Jimmy with my birthday suit. Thankfully, I had a little something on. Oh, and that's a question I get a lot: Boxers or briefs? Answer: Boxer-briefs!
You have to imagine how shocked I was to see Jimmy. I had absolutely no idea the guy was going to be part of the show in any way, and I'm a huge fan of his. When I found out he was taking over, I couldn't wait to see what he had in store. Now … maybe I shouldn't use the word "store." More on that in a minute.
Okay, so about this first date. I was really looking forward to spending the day with Kaitlyn. She was the perfect person to take on my first Kimmel-planned date. Clearly the girl has a great (yes, some might say dirty!) sense of humor, and I also knew there was more to her after the time we spent together at the zombie group date, so it was a no-brainer. What I didn't know was that we'd spend the day at Costco.
When she told me what the date card said, I really thought we'd be joining an "exclusive club" with "sweeping views and unlimited hors d'oeuvres." Little did I know sweeping views meant aisles of discounted products, and these so-called fancy "hors d'oeuvres" meant free samples! But, you know what? Turns out it was actually a good idea Jimmy had. Sending us on a "normal" date, something that a "normal" couple would do, really helped me see a future with Kaitlyn. That, and she was so much fun to run around the store with, checking off the ridiculous items on Jimmy's list. Ketchup, anyone?
Kaitlyn and I were genuinely freaked out by the fact that we were hosting dinner for Jimmy Kimmel. I'm no pro in the kitchen, and I've certainly never cooked for a late-night star, so I was feeling the pressure. It also didn't help that I was using a grill made for people half my size. I guess I could have picked up a larger grill at Costco, but with all that junk Jimmy had us pick up for him, there was no room in the limo!
Once Jimmy arrived, it was on. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. And trying to give the rose to Kaitlyn with Jimmy sitting there was, well, awkward. It got even more awkward when Jimmy joined us in the hot tub. Ever had a threesome in a hot tub with a beautiful woman and a married guy sucking on chicken wings? Sadly, I have. And it wasn't like Jimmy was just quietly enjoying his wings over there. I heard chomping. I heard slurping. I heard crunching. Jimmy, where were your manners?!
All in all, though, as hilarious and "normal" as our date was, it really showed me that Kaitlyn was someone I could really see myself with. She could joke around with Jimmy Kimmel, but she could also be sensitive and romantic. I have to give Jimmy well-deserved props for that date. But next time, Jimmy, please eat your chicken wings alone.
Waking up the next day, I couldn't wait to see what Jimmy had planned for us. All I knew is that I was going on a group date with the girls. When we arrived at our destination, I was pleasantly surprised to see the hoedown he had arranged. Now, here's the truth: I've basically never done most of those things in my life, and whoever ends up being my wife is definitely never going to have to milk a goat, or wrestle a grease-covered pig. But she will probably have to shuck some corn.
Anyway, it was so fun to see the girls' reactions and see what good sports they were. I totally thought Jillian had it in the bag – that girl is competitive! And once again, she was wearing shorts so short that someone over at ABC had to throw up the black bar on her. Hey, whose job is that anyway? Is there a guy who just literally sits in a room, watching the show and deciding when to throw a black bar on something? If so, I want to meet him! All I know is that with all the black bars on Jillian these past couple of weeks, that guy has probably put in some overtime!
So, in a bit of a surprise, Carly caught the pig and won the whole thing. That girl really stepped up her game. I mean she drank unpasteurized goat's milk and she's lactose-intolerant! And did you see how she caught the pig? While the other gals were running all over the place in that pen, Carly smartly played it cool and kind of waited for the pig to come to her. Well done! More than anything, Carly showed me that she's up for anything and she puts her heart into everything she does. And it was nice just spending some time with her because up until that point we hadn't gotten much of a chance to chat. Spoiler alert: Carly and I go on one of the most memorable, bizarre and hilarious dates of the entire season! Keep watching!
The day was all fun and games, but I really wanted to spend quality time with the women. I was shocked when Carly grabbed me at the beginning of the night and planted one on me. It was really nice to see her put herself out there. However, being called out by Mackenzie for kissing multiple women was definitely not a high point. I know I've maybe kissed more girls at this point than the average Bachelor, but I was taking things seriously, and isn't kissing a huge part of any romantic relationship? I'm very grateful for Amber, who stood up for me when the girls were talking it over. Amber, you're right. I'm just trying to find my wife.
On the kissing note, I also totally supported Becca's decision not to kiss me. Even though the setting was extremely romantic, and of course I wanted to kiss her, I respected her decision to take things slowly. And I wanted to solidify that by giving her the group rose. I really wanted her to know that I was willing to earn her affection, and take things at a slower pace with her.
I was really excited for my one-on-one date with Whitney. And seeing her reaction to the group date card was so sweet. Jimmy sent us to a winery, and I had no clue what else he had planned for us, but when Whitney and I saw that wedding taking place on the property, and she suggested we crash it, I thought, "Sorry Jimmy, but we're scrapping your date!"
I loved Whitney's spontaneity and the fact that she suggested we do it; it really showed me that she lives in the moment. What you didn't see was us talking to the show's producers. Nothing like this had ever been done before, and everybody was really hesitant to actually do it. They had to scramble to figure out logistics, how they were going to capture everything on camera and make it work. Thankfully they figured out a way to make it happen, and off we went to the mansion to change into our crashing clothes.
Whitney looked beautiful in her dress, and in the limo we were both actually so nervous about crashing. We tried to come up with a backstory for how we knew the bride and groom, but I'm a terrible liar and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. We were also worried that people would recognize me, so we came up with a story about being engaged. Of course, once we were in the wedding, we ended up talking to the maid of honor. I mean, come on! Couldn't we have sat next to a fourth cousin once removed?
I actually could not keep the story straight, and if it wasn't for Whitney, we would have been found out and tossed out. She did a great job mingling and keeping our story in line. She's so friendly, and everyone got along with her, and we totally tore it up on the dance floor and somehow never got made! That was a night I'll never forget. As for Nick and Shannon, the couple whose wedding we crashed, thank you for allowing us to join you on your special day, even if we weren't invited! I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness, and if I do end up getting married at the end of all this, you're invited!
Finding out the next day that the cocktail party was canceled in favor of a pool party was awesome. But it wasn't a party for everyone. I honestly couldn't tell if Ashley I. was laughing or crying when we were talking. I did feel bad that Jillian didn't give her the chance to talk to me, because I wanted to talk to her, but that whole laugh/cry thing is very confusing to us men. When I laugh, I laugh. When I cry, I cry. There's no middle ground! I also had no idea that the girls were spying on Jillian and me while we were in the hot tub. That was definitely awkward to watch.
The rose ceremony came way too quickly. It's really hard saying goodbye to these great women, and I was sad to see Tracy, Amber and Trina go. But having Jimmy Kimmel around certainly lightened the mood, and we all had a really hard time keeping a straight face when he came in to announce the final rose of the evening. Jimmy definitely made the week unforgettable. And amazing.
One last thing – a lot of people have questioned why I kept Ashley S. around the previous week, but as you saw this week, she's not always acting crazy; she can also be a totally sweet and cool girl, and I wanted to keep getting to know her better. And of course she's beautiful. No debate there.
Thank you so much for reading, and you'll definitely want to tune in next week to see what happens when I take a group of girls out of the glamour of the mansion for some down and dirty camping. Let's just say that things get in-tents. Get it? Seriously, it gets a little crazy. Hey you, guy whose job is just to throw black bars on stuff – get ready for more overtime!