That man was Mark Wahlberg, and he was portraying roller coaster enthusiast and dad's-worst-nightmare-of-a-boyfriend David McCall in the brutally bonkers relationship thriller Fear.
For two decades, Fear has educated slumber parties on the dangers of dating a man you sense might have an unchecked personality disorder and the ability to decapitate a dog. Just say "no," ladies – even if the guy has biceps like Wahlberg.
Let's meet those winners now:
Andy of Wet Hot American Summer
One of the best lines in this ensemble comedy of future stars shows exactly why Paul Rudd's counselor character makes a horrible boyfriend. Moody, stupid and allergic to responsibility, Andy is going to shrug off anything that causes ripples in his lazy pool of cool – like beautiful women looking for love.
Cal Hockney of Titanic
We all saw you get on that boat meant for women and children, Billy Zane! No wonder Rose chose potentially freezing to death on a door (that was certainly big enough for two) instead of you.
J.D. of Heathers
Much like Marky Mark in Fear, Christian Slater's trench coat devotee J.D. has that dangerous allure that draws in innocent teens dabbling in darkness. It's when that rebellious nature turns into a killing spree that you know it's definitely time to get out.
Patrick Bateman of American Psycho
Speaking of homicide! Christian Bale's yuppie archetype really hits the bad boyfriend trifecta: He cheats, he kills and he takes longer to get ready than you do. Reese Witherspoon really knows how to pick 'em.
Billy Loomis of Scream
Not only does Skeet Ulrich's floppy-haired boyfriend character murder almost all of Neve Campbell's favorite people, he still finds time to take her virginity. Imagine the therapy she's in for! (If you haven't seen Scream yet, that's your fault. The movie came out almost 20 years ago. It's too late to cry foul on spoilers.)
David Goldman of An Education
It's the classic skeevy old dude long con. Peter Sarsgaard sweeps a teenage girl (Carey Mulligan) off her feet with his worldliness and maturity, only to reveal later that he is actually married with a family. Oops, yo.
Chris Wilton of Match Point
Jonathan Rhys Meyers seduces engaged woman (Scarlett Johansson), ends her relationship while staying in his own, gets her pregnant, demands she gets rid of the baby and then kills her. In other words, it's only slightly worse than using Tinder.
Trip of The Virgin Suicides
Any guy – even Josh Harnett – who takes your virginity and then leaves you in the middle of a field is not a good guy.
Jim of Edward Scissorhands
Unable to deal with that fact that his girlfriend (Winona Ryder) enjoys spending time with a kind scissors-handed man, an all-grown-up Anthony Michael Hall does everything he can to ruin the the new guy's life, including framing him for assault and burglary. Jealously suits no man.
Willy Jack Pickens of Where the Heart Is
Abandoning a pregnant Natalie Portman in a Walmart to have her baby is a surefire way to earn a spot in the bad boyfriend Hall of Fame.