STILLER'S SIMIAN SMACKDOWN

Ben Stiller's motto? No monkey business! This after starring opposite a crabby capuchin monkey in his upcoming comedy Night at the Museum. "She's a female playing a guy, so she had a chip on her shoulder. And she wears a diaper. I think she resents that she can't control herself," the actor, 41, explains. In fact, their mutual dislike even got physical. "[In one scene] she hit me!" Stiller complains. "But there's some rule—like animal protection laws or something—that says you can't hit a monkey. She could hit me as hard as she wanted, and I couldn't hit her back. If I see her now, I'll [still] want to smack her."

CAMERON DIAZ, starring in the upcoming romantic comedy The Holiday, on ...

Dealing with a breakup: You just get through it. It goes back to being happy with yourself. It's really awesome growing up in a narcissistic society because we've finally figured out that it's all about us.

Being known for comedic roles: I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one.

Best present she ever got: A can of whup-ass.

Who she'd like to switch identities with: The person that jumps to my mind is Jack Black. I think, "Who is it I want to be?" And then Jack's there in a blue leotard and a mustache.

FREE ASSOCIATION with David Boreanaz, whose first season of Bones is out on DVD

If acting doesn't work out, I'd like to ... have my own vineyard and bottle my own wines somewhere in Italy or France. Crush the grapes, baby—old school.

Brit and K-Fed's divorce battle: I'm glad she's waking up. He's the Vanilla Ice of the generation.

Best trip with wife Jaime Bergman: A [ski] lodge. If I can get her toes cold, it's all about getting them warm.

Four-year-old son Jaden: He's got a crush on this girl at school. He made her a Power Ranger card. He's a charmer, man. He's got Dad's blood—it's dangerous!

This English poet John Betjeman said, "On our deathbeds we're not going to regret all the work we didn't do. We're going to regret all the sex we didn't have!"
—RACHEL WEISZ, on what she learned playing a dying woman in the romance The Fountain