Charlie Sheen's nasty calls? Billy Joel's police accident report? You'll find them on thesmoking gun.com and in The Dog Dialed 911, a collection of telling memos, rap sheets and mug shots dug up by the Web site. Savory bits:

TWO JOBS, ONE CAR From a police complaint about an impounded delivery vehicle: "I witnessed a stretcher in the rear.... [Owner] stated [that after] completing work at Domino's Pizza, he transports dead bodies in the same vehicle for a funeral home."

E-Z PASS EXAM Question on quiz for UGA jocks: How many points does a three-point field goal account for?

SCARIEST JOB APPLICANT Cover letter from Tulane law student: "I am utterly unconcerned with having any sort of personal life. If my wedding was the day of a key trial, my wedding would be postponed. If the wife-to-be didn't like it ... she is free to find a competing husband."

EASIEST STING IN FARGO Calling the Fargo, N.D., police first on 911 and then on the nonemergency line to ask "where I could buy some pot," a narcotics suspect is told, "... we have some in our evidence locker." When he asks, "Can I come pick some up?" the officer replies, "Yep. Just come in the front doors...."