You're going to find yourself in compromising situations, maybe even horizontal on a casting couch, or on the back of a greasy actor's motorcycle, waiting in line to get into the Roxbury. Sure, the girls who come here are smart—there's a new hipness and sophistication that was missing from my early days in town. But let's face it—when the possibility of starring opposite Sean Penn is on the line, you might give up some of your scruples.
In a business run by frustrated short men, there's bound to be resentment toward these fresh, optimistic gals. The bottom fine is, it will always be more difficult for a woman.
So how do you handle it, short of getting an attitude? Use some psychology. If you sense hostility coming from a casting director or a fat, sweaty producer, just pretend he's your uncle and humor him. Take him into your confidence and make him feel as if it's you and him against the world. Talk about your favorite cocktail guy-talk or sports like, "I've got fifty bucks on the Lakers; I think they're gonna kick some butt, what about you?"
Don't act all girlie and giggly. Be kind of tough in a sexy way. Sit on the edge of the couch. Instead of getting comfortable, run your hands through your hair and slap him on the back: "You're a scream! I love your Roseville pottery collection, it's one of the best I've ever seen. Hey, look, don't worry, if I'm wrong for this part, we'll do something else together. I mean I just dig you and I really want to be friends!"
Drive a motorcycle, like the one Brando rode in The Wild One—it's de rigueur now. Get yourself a beat-up leather jacket, some used cowboy boots. Make sure your hair is really long and do not wear a helmet. Drive up and down Melrose Avenue with a cigarette dangling from the corner of your mouth and weave confidently in and out of traffic—don't worry, you won't fall off. If you're auditioning at a studio, show a few minutes late and really rev your engine as you pull up—all the young execs will be scared but blown away. Talk about your record deal on Virgin, even if you don't have one. They'll believe you. Tell them you've been living in Paris, hanging out with Mickey Rourke, and there's a damn good chance you'll get the job.
If you're headed for Disney, lighten it just a little. Give 'em some Julia Roberts action, edgy but sweet. If in doubt, use your breasts like Uma Thurman does—flaunt them, wear something sheer without a bra. They'll be so distracted you'll get the part out of the chaos you've created. But leave quickly before they figure it all out.
It's essential to develop some gay allies as well. Get in with the gay mafia—powerful producers, execs, etc.—and fix them up with some of your really cute boyfriends. Your friends won't have to do anything except act uninterested. If it doesn't work out, the big shots won't blame you. They'll simply ask you to find them more beautiful boys who'll reject them. After that just be a good friend to them and take their calls at 6 a.m. and listen while they cry the blues about how no one ever loves them. You'll be a superstar overnight! Go to the clubs, but not every week. Let them notice you. Get everybody interested and then disappear. When you show up again, they'll be so desperate they'll promise you everything you ever wanted, including that Mercedes 450SL—and, baby, you deserve it. You can date one of these guys, but make sure you keep one of his friends on the line just in case he doesn't work out. Rotatea hot actor for an older director and maybe toss in a producer or two, always keeping an agent on hold. Get some head shots from Herb Ritts, have Sally Hershberger cut your hair, work out at Gold's Gym and sleep late.
That's my best advice for you girls, you hot, happening, groovy stars of today. Play by my rules and you'll never grow old!
Saved by the Bell Reunion
The hookups, the meltdowns, the memoires
The case reveals what was really going on what they think of each other now!
