You Can't Always Get What You Want
Mick Jagger insists that he and Bianca have never been happier wed, even if he's not a typically fusty English pater. Asked his reaction if their 6-year-old daughter, Jade, should ever try drugs, Mick cracks, "Well, at least she would know where to come for advice." Sex? "It wouldn't upset me at all if she had sex at an early age," Mick opines. "When I was 13 all I desperately wanted to do was have sex. I don't think there is anything wrong if you know what you're doing." So how did he finally get it on the first time? "With boys at school. I think that's true of almost every boy."

Eeka-Mouska-Mouseka—Glop!
"At Disney, nobody said a swearword or they'd not be on the set the next day," sniffed a predictably bluenosed Annette Funicello Gilardi, 34. But when she brought her children, Gina, 12, Jackie, 7, and Jason, 2, in to make their first TV commercial, the shocked ex-Mouseketeer gasped, "The crew's language was so rough! They didn't take into consideration that there were children around. I don't know what taste it left with the children." Try peanut butter, since the blurb was for Skippy.

Skin Flick
Kojak may have started the bald-is-beautiful look, but Patrick Duffy has made a total commitment to the Schick shtik—he shaves his body hair before starring in each segment of NBC's new Man from Atlantis. Despite having to get all in a lather, Duffy prefers the razor to the alternatives—waxing or electrolysis. "I want it to grow back!" worries the 28-year-old actor. His wife, Carlyn, however, has considered some of the supposedly hairier consequences of a long run. "She's not all that excited about it growing in heavier," reports Duffy, "and having me look like a koala bear."

Some Like It Not
Jamie Lee Curtis, 18, one of the pretty swabbies awash on ABC's Operation Petticoat, may be the consummate Hollywood brat (as the daughter of Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis), but she harbors no illusions about her hometown. "People in Beverly Hills don't really have a lot of money," she theorizes. "I mean, they have nice houses and walk around in Guccis and St. Laurents. But you open their closets and they don't have anything in them. The whole thing is being seen by the right people in these fancy things." But as for papa Tony, she non-sequiturs, "The only negative thing I will ever say about my father is that, unfortunately, he went through a big stage of putting down Hollywood. If it were not for Hollywood, he'd still be walking around the Bronx."

Howard Humbled
District of Columbia police recently arrested a suspect in the bizarre "Richard Avedon" case—but the criminal was almost caught three years ago. A woman who had been gulled by a man posing as the famous photographer—and then repeatedly raped—escaped in time to alert two hotel security men. They dashed up the hotel stairs just in time to glimpse a tall, heavyset man in a tan suit dart down the hall and into an elevator. They gave chase and apprehended the man—but it was not the rapist. It was a hotel guest who happened to be, of all people, Howard Cosell.

Furthermore

•If nothing else, l'affaire Bert Lance has freshened the punch lines on the Washington cocktail circuit. "JFK had his Camelot," goes one, "and Carter has his Lancelot." Or, "Around the White House, Carter's book Why Not the Best? is must reading. But now it's called Zero-Based Humility." And ever since the Battle of Bert, according to UPI's doughty Helen Thomas, "They no longer call it government by checks and balances."

•Star Wars brought him fame and robot prints in concrete at Mann's Chinese Theatre, but only now can Englishman Anthony Daniels, 31, fully grasp what the endearingly stuffy droid C-3PO has brought to his life. The latest status symbol among Daniels' chums is having him record messages in C-3PO's Arthur Treacher accent for their telephone-answering machines.

•Eleven months after a loose lip—or, as he put it, loose shoes—cost him his job as Secretary of Agriculture, Earl Butz is surfacing with a daily five-minute commentary on 21 Midwestern radio stations. Will he be telling any jokes? Replies the sage of Lafayette, Ind., "Does a hog eat corn?"