Tight Budgeteer
There was much commotion in Boston's Eire Pub when Margaret Heckler (page 34), the nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services, dropped in a couple of weeks back. That wasn't because she was a woman and the sign outside said "Men's bar." It was because she brought her boss-to-be along with her. Boston columnist Alan Richman reports that Heckler and President Reagan shared a Ballantine Ale, on tap. The tab: "Seventy-five cents if you're not tipping," reveals Richman, "and Reagan was not."

Oink!
By now everybody knows that the Super Bowl champion Washington Redskins' offensive linemen are known as the Hogs. Over the course of the season the Hogs expanded to include two tight ends and running back John Riggins, the Super Bowl MVP. But when quarterback Joe Theismann asked to join the elite group a month ago, head Hog George Starke gave him the thumbs-down. After all, reasoned Starke, you can't just let anybody in. Pleaded Theismann, "Can't I at least be a piglet?"

It All Adds Up
Fresh from his success in 48 Hrs., Eddie Murphy was about to start work on his second movie, Trading Places. Before meeting the film's director, John Landis, for the first time, he chatted with co-stars Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche. Bellamy, 78, mentioned that he had been in about 99 movies and Ameche, 74, figured he had appeared in about 49. Murphy, 21, then turned to Landis and said: "Among the three of us, we've done about 150 movies, and that works out to about 50 apiece. Act accordingly."

Gold in Them Thar Hills
It's so hard keeping track of the latest excess in Beverly Hills. Are $90,250 teddy bears with diamond necklaces in or out this season? How about a $1,750 set of tennis balls in a sterling silver can? Somebody ought to publish a book. Somebody has. Patricia Slesinger, 28, has just put together the Goldbook of Beverly Hills to "tell the who's who of the world what's where," as her PR person puts it. In its 160 gilt-edged pages are shopping tips (where to find a $6,000 gold-plated tape deck), a restaurant guide and ads aplenty (including one for Häagen-Dazs, promoting its Perrier float). The Goldbook sells for $30 and is being sent for free to 40,000 movers and sheiks around the world. As a result, it had to be published in five languages: English, French, Spanish, Japanese and, of course, Arabic. Translation was no easy task. The first attempt in Japanese called it the "international guide to the private parts of Beverly Hills."

The Way to a Man's Heart
Here's ERA foe Phyllis Schlafly's logic: Real men don't eat quiche. Real men are against the Equal Rights Amendment. Thus men who are for the ERA must like quiche. So Schlafly sent custom quiches to the U.S. Senators who favor the amendment. Each carried a message: "Real men don't draft women." According to the Washington Post, most Senators ignored the message—and the aspersions cast on their manhood—and gobbled down the pies. All except Sen. Paul Tsongas, the man who reintroduced the ERA. "I don't happen to like quiche," he says. "I guess according to Phyllis Schlafly, I should develop a taste."

Furthermore
From the It-Had-to-Happen Department: General Hospital's Tony Geary is working on a made-for-TV movie for ABC about a resort community threatened by disease. The ailment? Herpes.