Expensive Reproduction "I've done it before so I think I can manage it perfectly well. If you're lucky enough to have the money, it's not hard; if you have to live in one room, it's a problem." So says Mick Jagger, referring not to his possible upcoming marriage with model Jerry Hall, but to life with a soon-to-be third party, their expected child. Mick, who kept pretty silent on the subject until recent days, finally let his feelings be known. Apparently, he sees child-rearing as a kind of venture capitalism. As he succinctly put it, "It's a lot of work, and it does affect the checkbook."

And Lived Modestly Ever After Complain, complain, complain. That's what Morgan Fairchild did when the London Sunday Express asked her about the start of her career. Moaned Morgan, "In the late '60s and the '70s, the 'in' look was the Barbra Streisand Jewish Princess look, or the offbeat Liza Minnelli look, or the kooky Goldie Hawn look. It also helped if you were black or Puerto Rican. But my kind of classical looks were poison. I remember standing in the snow for six hours trying to get work as an extra and being turned down!" Wrapping up her sob story, Morgan revealed how she was saved: "My break came when Farrah Fawcett went into Charlie's Angels and for some reason I got offered the work she no longer wanted to do. Then came Flamingo Road and with it enough money to move to Los Angeles and buy a modest house in the Valley." Now is that what you call a happy ending?

Birds of a Feather? Former Veep candidate R. Sargent Shriver and his wife, Eunice, enjoyed top-notch seats at a Baltimore Orioles playoff against the Chicago White Sox in Baltimore, but their visiting son Bobby, a lawyer from Santa Monica, Calif., wasn't there to enjoy the fun. Though he had three tickets to the game, Bobby was detained by an urgent legal matter: his own. He had been out front trying to sell three $20 seats for $80 when an undercover cop showed interest and then said, "You're under arrest." (Selling tickets for inflated prices is a punishable offense in Baltimore.) Next day, after Bobby pleaded not guilty, he was put on probation and charged a $250 fine, although no conviction went on his record. The Orioles' owner, famed trial lawyer Edward Bennett Williams, managed to avoid being implicated. Though Bobby's parents were Williams' guests, he says he absolutely did not give Bobby the tickets to scalp. What did Williams care anyway? By the end of the week the Sox had entered a no contest plea against his Orioles.

Using Her Marbles That modern-day Ben Franklin of the linoleum and Formica set, Mary Ellen, will be at it again next month when she unleashes her fifth book with 1,000 more of her terribly Helpful Hints. A brief preview: Lick envelopes instead of stamps to avoid the gluey taste; rub toothpaste on your toes to remove beach tar. Mary Ellen even knows how to silence a snoring spouse. Sew a marble into the back of his or her peejays. Then every time the nocturnal groaner turns chest up in full howling position, the marble sends an automatic wakeup-and-rollover message.

Furthermore

•Question from inquisitive onlooker: Did Norman Mailer show up in court last month when his fourth wife, actress Beverly Bentley, filed suit to contest their divorce settlement? Answer from Norman's lawyer: "No, if I bothered him every time they [his wives] filed an action, he'd never write a word."

•Without offense to George Lucas or Steven Spielberg, Charlton Heston hopes he doesn't find Star-Wars-type special effects in his next film. "I love to see those kinds of movies," the former Ben Hur and Moses admits, but "the best parts go to the robots and big rubber guys."