ALICE DOESN'T RUN ANYMORE: During the impeachment proceedings of Arizona's Gov. Evan Mecham, raccoon-eyed rocker Alice Cooper announced at a concert that he was running as a write-in candidate to fill the possibly soon-to-be vacant seat. "I'm a registered voter and grew up in the state," he said. "I'm here to represent the Wild Party. I even have a slogan: Alice Cooper—A troubled man for troubled times." His backup slogan was "A snake in every pool." Later, Alice pulled out, declaring, "As a write-in candidate I was doomed from the start because my fans can't read. Besides," he added, "we never found out what the job pays."

A MISS UNDERSTANDING: The new Miss USA, Courtney Gibbs, says one of the reasons she entered the pageant was that it had no talent requirement. "The Miss America Pageant has a talent division, and I really don't have a talent that fits into any category," says Courtney, 21 and the fourth consecutive Miss USA winner from Texas. "I hope my talent is speaking because I want to go into broadcasting, but you can't do that for three minutes in front of the judges." But what if you had to have a talent for the Miss USA pageant? "Oh my goodness. I probably couldn't have been in it," she admits. "I can't dance and I'm tone deaf, which rules out singing and playing most musical instruments. I mean, I was a model for seven years, but I don't think they'd understand me modeling clothes for three minutes."

TO THE BATROLES: While no one could ever hope to capture Batman as perfectly as Adam West did in the classic 1966-68 TV series, West himself thinks some present-day actors could make worthy villains. "I could see John Candy as King Tut and Ally Sheedy as a wonderful Catwoman," says West, who's come out of his Bat-cave to promote the recent run of his old show in England, where it's all the rage. "I think Steve Martin would make a great Joker because he moves so well, and of course no one other than Dan Aykroyd could play Commissioner Gordon." What was the hardest thing about doing the show? "Wearing tights," says Adam. "I thought for a long time real men don't wear tights, but then I thought what the hell, William Tell and Robin Hood wore them." And what does Batman think of that 50-year-old birthday boy Superman? "He's too perfect, too super," says West. "Besides, he's not even American."

MODEST OPERANDI: Her looks sent Tom Cruise tailspinning in Top Gun, and she's often proclaimed the natural successor to Grace Kelly, but none of this impresses Kelly McGillis. "I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel adequate and I don't feel I know what I'm doing, especially at the start of a movie," Kelly told the San Francisco Examiner. "Whenever I start a new film I torture the people I know, calling them up in the middle of the night, saying things like: 'I don't know why they hired me for this movie.' " She's not all that worried, though. "I don't think it's a bad thing, although it can be destructive at times. It's good because it makes me want to be perfect, and I don't really want to change it. The last thing I want to do is see a therapist."

THE 700 SNUB: Convicted Watergate felon G. Gordon Liddy says he won't be inviting presidential candidate and former televangelist Pat Robertson to guest on his new TV talk show. "I don't really think I'd get a very good debate going with him," says G. Gordon. Of Robertson's claim that his prayers once caused God to deflect a hurricane, Liddy grouses, "I think that if a massive hurricane were approaching the East Coast, there would probably be 50 million people praying, including some poor little woman with a couple of kids. If I were God, I'd listen to her, not me." Liddy says he won't be inviting Mike Dukakis either. "There's just no personality there." And Gary Hart? "What's to debate? Blonds, brunets or redheads?"