EXIT LAUGHING?

If novelist Anne Rice was upset with the casting of Tom Cruise as the semi-androgynous, neck-chomping Lestat in the adaptation of her book Interview with the Vampire, wait until she hears about what Hollywood is doing to her erotic tie-me-up, tie-me-down novel, Exit to Eden (1985).

Director Garry Marshall. who made a comedy hit out of a tale of prostitution with Pretty Woman., plans to lighten up Rice's S&M story about a whip-wielding dominatrix. He has cast China Beach'? Dana Delany in the lead role, added a jewel heist to the script and created parts for Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell. "He hopes to make it palatable for the people in Kansas City," says a source. The movie begins shooting this week.

ROSEY OUTLOOK

Roseanne Arnold has set up shop in the advice business. The Roseanne star has penned her first "Dear Rosey" column for the five small weekly newspapers in Iowa that she and husband Tom Arnold recently bought for an undisclosed sum. In Roseanne's first column, one reader wanted to know what to do with a husband who hadn't told her he loved her in 40 years. Wrote Rosey: "Tell that old goal of yours to wise up and say he loves you every day, or I'll come over there and slap the hell out of him."

No word yet on whether any of her correspondents have included ABC execs seeking advice on handling an ego-enlarged series star.

TAKE A HIKE

When Shirley MacLaine bought 35 acres of pristine mountain wilderness for $1.15 million in the mountains just east of Santa Fe last December, maybe she thought she was buying a little piece of tranquillity.

Instead, some local residents are loudly protesting the possibility that MaeLaine and her neighbors might further develop the land, which is close to a popular hiking and biking trail. "That mountain is sacred," says city councilwoman Ouida MacGregor, who is spearheading the antidevelopment fight. "Who wants to look at [MacLaine's] house?"

MacGregor, who met recently with MacLaine, does concede that the actress has been cooperative about seeking a solution, and MacLaine's spokesman, Dale Olson, says his client has no plans to build on the Sante Fe property anytime soon.

CLIFF DWELLING

John Ratzenberger, whose Cliff Clavin character on Cheers had the sex life of a monk, has donated five of the 16 acres of land he owns in the Seattle area to a Russian Orthodox monastery.

Ratzenberger and his wife, Georgia, made the offer spontaneously after becoming teary-eyed at a farewell ceremony for the monks, who were about to leave the Seattle area after trying unsuccessfully for four years to establish a monastery there.

"It just seemed like the right thing to do," Ratzenberger told a local paper after making his gift. When we called him later, he elaborated, "A monk's job is to pray, and we can certainly use the help."

Mitchell Fink is on vacation.