BOOMER HUMOR
"I howled when I read the script,"" says Emilio Estevez, 30, who stars in the new cop-movie spoof National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1. "The jokes appeal to my sick, twisted, deviant sense of humor. We do a scene sending up the one in Lethal Weapon 3 where Mel Gibson and Rene Russo compare wounds. In our version, the injuries start with a beer-bottle cap embedded in my back and get worse until I rip my arm off to show an old war wound." Has he heard from Gibson? "I ran into Mel at a birthday party that our kids attended. I told him about Loaded Weapon, and he didn't punch me out.

HAIL TO THE CHEF
Julia Child can't stand the heat, but she's not getting out of the kitchen. The gastronomic world's most famous female was recently feted with a six-course meal by nearly 60 chefs at a bash for 500 guests in Marina del Rey, Calif. The excuse for the pig-out? To celebrate Child's 30 years of waving wooden spoons on TV and to raise money for the American Institute of Wine and Food. When it was pointed out to Child that there were 15 male chefs there for every woman, she got huffy. "This had nothing to do with women,' said Child, 80. "It was about French food and friends. I think women are getting to be a nuisance at this point. Why should the Attorney General be a woman? We have to be realistic. We don't have a large enough pool of qualified women. We will, in another 15 or 20 years."

NEVER, NEVER LAND?
Among" ' the more startling moments in Michael Jackson's recent live 90-minute televised interview with Oprah Winfrey was his revelation that he's in love with Brooke Shields. Is this a requited romance, or did Michael indulge in some impromptu moon-walking? "He told me he was going to tell people how he felt about me," says Shields, 27, who taped the show and watched it later. "How it's interpreted by people is another story. I'm not making a disclaimer. That's as specific as I'm going to get." How did she think Jackson did on TV? "I'm proud of him. People saw a sweetness and A Brooke an innocence that he definitely has."

UNSTRUNG HERO
First, the bad news for Mayim Bialik, who plays Blossom on the NBC series of the same name: She is still trying to get over breaking up with her boyfriend, Vinnie (played by David Lascher), on the March 1 episode. The good news: B.B. king appears on the same show to sing "The Thrill Is Gone." "I didn't think we'd ever get him, but there he was on the set with his guitar, Lucille, and it was incredible," enthuses Bialik, 17, herself an accomplished bass guitarist. "During a break, he asked me if I would like to play Lucille, and of course I said, 'No, I couldn't.' And he said, 'Well, she doesn't like many women, but she likes you.' So I played a few rhythm-and-blues lines, but I was so nervous. It was, like, incredible to actually hold Lucille."