When this lame Look Who's Talking clone debuted last spring, cast members kept deserting, and Julia Duffy's pained look suggested diaper rash. (ABC)

He's a cop, she's a cop, they hate each other but go undercover as marrieds to avoid a mob hit. Had to root for the hit man. (CBS)

A well run dry. (CBS)

Apparently Fox felt Married...with Children was too high-toned. So they gave us Joseph Bologna as a slobby super and Matt LeBlanc as his doltish hunk son.

William Shatner in a Himalayan monastery listened to "Mother Earth" (Faye Dunaway) tell him about the environment. Silly if well-meaning. (TBS)

Chicago radio host Jonathon Brandmeier's talk show made Rick Dees seem like Socrates. (Syndicated)

Please, Hammer, don't hurt us with more opportunism like this callow cartoon. (ABC)

This bitter bioflick turned Arnaz into a near gigolo and Ball into a grasping shrew. (CBS)

In 2035 an infirm 85-year-old reflects on his life. ABC wisely pulled the plug after six sappy, pretentious episodes.

Charles Bronson tried to deep-six this movie about his late wife's cancer. If only Jill Clayburgh, who played Ireland, and everyone else involved in this weepy, strident film had shown the same good sense. (NBC)

>•DREXELL'S CLASS [Fox] •I STILL DREAM OF JEANNIE [NBC] •KEEPING SECRETS [ABC] •TEECH [CBS] •WITHOUT WARMNG: THE JAMES BRADY STORY [HBO]