TOM ARNOLD: BABY TALK
"In June we're gonna start trying to conceive," says comedian TOM ARNOLD, 31, who is married to ROSEANNE BARR. "Roseanne had her tubes cut in her previous marriage, so we have to do in vitro fertilization. We've already done my part at the hospital. I went into a room and, well, you know what I did, which is just kind of a road gig for me," laughs Arnold, who'll star in his first HBO special (the wife has a cameo) next month. "Anyway, I did it, and they checked my sperm, and it's good. In June, when we break from the show, Rosie's gonna start going down to the hospital, and I'll go back to that room, I suppose, and then they'll bring our beakers together." Then the couple isn't making a baby in the usual way? "No, but we're doing that too, just for fun."

MONICA SELES: COMING ATTRACTION
Tennis star MONICA SELES is looking to get out of her old racket. "Figuring out what to do after tennis is a big problem for a lot of players." says Seles. 17, who recently unseated STEFFI GRAF as the No. 1 player in the Virginia Slims women's tennis rankings. "I know what I want to do: I want to move to Los Angeles in four years and try acting by the time I'm 25 and finished with tennis. I would love to do movies like JODIE FOSTER. A lot of the other players would love to be singers. I don't have a good voice, which is why I'll have to settle for acting."

JEFF SPEAKMAN: FIGHTING MAD
Kenpo karate master JEFF SPEAKMAN, 33, whose debut film, The Perfect Weapon, makes him the newest kid on the chop block, says even skilled karate masters are not always able to defend themselves against a speeding bullet. Referring to martial arts movies where the heroes take on heavily armed opponents who aren't within kicking distance, Speakman, who holds a fourth-degree black belt, says, "There are few circumstances where you couldn't be blown away easily by a gun. A guy pulls out a gun and pulls the trigger, and you're history. Sometimes, when I'm giving a talk, some guy'll say, 'What are you going to do if a guy pulls a gun on you, tough guy?' And I say, 'Look, if he shoots me, I'll bleed. If I bleed long enough, I'll die.' "

SIMON SAYS
KIM BASINGER may get the part, but she doesn't always get the joke. Basinger, who stars with beau ALEC BALDWIN in the comedy The Marring Man, due April 12. apparently didn't find some lines in NEIL SIMON's film script all that funny and said so, loudly. Asked about this at the opening-night bash of his new Broadway play. Lost in Yonkers, Simon. 63. said. " 'She didn't say it to me. I heard about it. My problem with Kim was different. My problem with her is she never came to any rehearsals, and I can't fix something or rewrite it unless I hear it. Alec Baldwin. I must say, was wonderful about that. Alec is an actor from the theater, and he came to every rehearsal. Kim didn't come. She's a movie star and she's treated differently. Actually, she's quite good in the film. She really is."