TELLY TALES

Despite recent disclosures of their extramarital flings, both Mark Phillips, estranged husband of Princess Anne, and Charles Althorp, brother of Princess Diana, have struck handsome TV deals. Althorp, who lost his job with NBC in March, signed on as a reporter with Granada Television for a reported $70,000 a year. Insists producer Liz Warner: "He has not been given this job because of his royal connections."

Phillips is appearing on TVS's Horse Trials series, delivering such pearls as "[Competitive riding] is an expensive sport because to do it you must be able to keep a horse." Of course.

BLOWING EXHAUST

Calling Prince Charles a "Gas Guzzler," London's Daily Mirror has criticized the Prince for hypocrisy concerning car-generated air pollution. The tabloid pointed out that seven members of the royal family used 42 vehicles the day Charles inveighed against the urban auto glut at a conference in Madrid. Moreover, Charles had his 1988 Bentley (16 miles to the gallon) driven on a 1,800-mile round-trip to Czechoslovakia for use during last month's official visit.

HEAD GAMES

Once, the Duchess of York announced, "I dress for Andrew and only for Andrew." But as for her coiffure? Ten weeks after having six inches of red hair lopped off, Fergie confessed that her husband "prefers it long." Oh well, she added, "it will always grow back."

SORRY, LADY...

A guard tried to keep Queen Elizabeth and passengers from entering the Royal Windsor Horse Show last week because the car she was driving—a Vauxhall Carlton—lacked the proper sticker. "My husband is taking part," the Queen cheerfully told the guard. "I think if you check, I will be allowed in." He did and she was.