PIGGING OUT
The Muppets' MISS PIGGY has decided to leapfrog over her boyfriend KERMIT, calling an end to their 14-year romance. "I had just had it with being taken for granted," says Miss Piggy, who showed considerable irritation with her green-skinned beau on last Sunday's (May 6) The Muppets at Walt Disney World special on NBC. "Moi has devoted my life to making Kermit happy and never received anything in return, except a Cubic Zirconia ring he bought from the Home Shopping Network. It has been tres difficult for moi but la vie goes on. I need to talk to my publicist." Will Her Pigness ever date another frog? "I don't think so. Frogs have cute senses of humor, but they also have a lack of ability to commit, lack of consideration and appalling table manners. I don't know about my future. Perhaps I'll direct a movie or run for public office. But right now, I just want to be alone."

SAFER DRIVING
Despite his love of Formula One car racing, 60 Minutes correspondent MORLEY SAFER's career as a racer wasn't prix-des-tined. Asked how he would spend a 60-minute fantasy, he says, "I'd be driving in the lead car in a Formula One race in the Italian Grand Prix and have a three-lap lead. I would have loved to have done that, but I'm getting a little old." Safer, 58, whose new book, Flashbacks, is about his return visit to Vietnam last year, says, "I didn't pursue racing because I was too busy trying to make a living in a different kind of sport, but I occasionally on weekends get out on a grand prix-style track—not an oval one—and drive. I have a Ferrari, which I only use to exercise my Walter Mitty fantasy, and can crank it up to about 125 mph."

STRANGE CUSTOMS
New wave music pioneer LENE LOVICH (with daughter TAZI, 5), whose first album in seven years is called March, is learning the customs of her home country. "I was coming through American customs in Toronto, and I handed them my passport, and the officer looked at the picture, looked at me, started giving me a hard time and out of the blue asked me to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. So I started remembering it," says Lovich, 41, who left the United States as a 13-year-old to live in London, "and got to the 'invisible' [sic] part but got a little stuck, and he helped me along. He stopped me because I didn't have a typical American accent. I think what I'll do from now on is write it down on paper, and before I get off the plane just have a little look."

RICH REWARD
The funny pages went adult last Sunday (May 6) when NBC aired Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again, a made-for-TV movie featuring Archie, Betty, Veronica, Reggie and Jughead as 30-year-olds grappling with sex, divorce and single parenthood. Actor CHRISTOPHER RICH, who played another cartoon character, Prince Charming, in ABC's ill-fated 1987 series, The Charmings, portrayed Archie and hopes to repeat the role if NBC picks up Archie as a regular show next season. "My friends have teased me mercilessly, and why shouldn't they?" says Rich, 36, about the part. "I would if it were somebody else. When I tell them I've got this role playing Archie, they say, 'Don't worry, man, you can always direct.' But I've got it easy. What about the guy that has to play Jughead?"

CAT CALL
KATHLEEN TURNER, who's starring on Broadway as Maggie in Tennessee Williams's Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, says the role isn't Taylor-made. "What? Someone else did this part?" jokes Turner, 35, when asked if she minds the inevitable comparisons with ELIZABETH TAYLOR, who played Maggie in the 1958 film. "Ms. Taylor is the one who comes to mind when you think of Maggie the Cat, but they cut the heck out of the play in the film to erase any suggestion of homosexuality, so they butchered the part. Comparisons are silly in a sense. [Taylor] and I are so extraordinarily different—body build, everything. I hope to put a stamp on this role for the stage."