Martin's Short

The Oscar host gets animated about his crush on Gwyneth

Did you hear about Steve Martin, 55, and Gwyneth Paltrow, 28? Relax: This coupling is fictional. Gwyneth and Steve: Our Struggle to Have a Baby, a film written and narrated by Martin on movie site Countingdown.com, tells how he tried to have a child with Paltrow—without meeting her. "I tried...wearing loose boxer shorts," says cartoon Steve. "This was a tip I got out of Cosmo...and didn't realize...I was allowed to wear pants too." The toon was made for Pop.com, a failed site founded by Steven Spielberg and others who recently purchased Counting down. As for the age issue, Martin notes in the film that he too worried "about Gwyneth's and my age difference of 748 years."

My Favourite Sites

Catherine Bell
As Lt. Col. Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie on the CBS hit JAG, Bell regularly displays her kickboxing skills, but she gets her offscreen kicks online. "On my breaks I'm always on the Internet," says the actress. "And if I get really bored on the set, I'll pull out my Palm and go online. Since I'm a total Palm junkie, I go to PalmGear.com and download games like Breakout, Space Invaders and Pac-Man," Her guiltiest pleasure: reading about fatal faux pas on darwinawards.com, "The entries are hysterical. Here's this guy who is trying to get change out of a Coke machine," she says, citing a typical entry, "and he pulls on it so hard that it falls on him and he dies. It's horrible, but I've got a sick sense of humor."

Internet Manners

After my boyfriend dumped me, I e-mailed him about some money we owed jointly on a bill. The reply I got a few weeks later was the most vicious, horrible, hateful e-mail I have ever read. The worst part is that he sent a copy to his best friend. Why would anyone send something like that to a third party?

Maybe it's his twisted way of proving he dumped you and not vice versa. Or maybe he's just a misogynist toad. You might be tempted to seek revenge by forwarding his message to friends who could spread the word to ensure that this creep never gets another date. But that would be sinking to his level. Your healthiest move: Delete the message from your in box and your ex from your life.

Is there any way to decline politely if an acquaintance wants your e-mail address?

"Sorry, I use it only for business" or "Oh, I don't check it very often" ought to do the trick. To rebuff a flirt, there's always "I'm flattered, but no." Can't handle being direct? Create an address just for junk mail.

No Walk in the Park

The makers of Jurassic Park III are trying to downplay a raptor-size rupture on the set. First, the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) reported that cast member William H. Macy complained about the lack of leadership on the set and that the script was rewritten as cameras rolled. "What you want to say is, 'Who launched a $100 million ship without a rudder?' " said Macy. " 'What kind of idiot is that?' " In an e-mail to Jurassic fan site dansjp3page.com, director Joe Johnston blamed brutal filming conditions—" Actors were bruised, scraped, cut, knocked down"—and suggested Macy was "letting off a little steam." With the film due July 18, Macy's publicist is insisting the actor's comments were taken out of context. Maybe Macy meant "idiot" as a compliment.

Elvis Sited Again

The King wasn't big on computers, but fans can get free personalized e-mail addresses from Elvis.com Hurry: Hound dog@elvis.com is already taken.

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