There's a sly joke at the heart of Coffey's new crime thriller. The hero, Garrett Doherty, is not a private investigator but its spiritual opposite: a public relations executive.
In the hands of Carl Hiaasen—who inevitably leaps to mind when mystery and Miami meet—this would be just the quirk to kick-start a rollicking read. But Coffey is not interested in drollery. Instead he has written a traditional noir and, unfortunately, a ploddingly generic one. Doherty is an ordinary guy whose contact with a client sucks him into an underworld where nothing is what it seems, unless, of course, you've read this kind of book before. There are the cold-blooded smuggler, the exotic femme fatale and ominous warnings to "stop meddling in matters that do not concern you." Readers would be well advised to follow this advice better than Doherty does. (Pocket, $23.95)
Bottom Line: Dim noir
by John Irving
John Irving's novels suggest David Copperfield as rewritten by the editors of Weekly World News: Innocents pick their way among bomb-wielding nuns and bicycling bears. Yet this made-for-tabloid novelist spends a long, dull stretch of his 10th novel castigating the JFK Jr.-obsessed media for their coverage (bulletin: it was excessive) of his death, through the unlikely views of a TV newsman, Patrick Wallingford. At least Irving doesn't keep us waiting for the gore: Wallingford has a hand ripped off by a lion on page 13.
This "Lion Guy" has a nutty love affair with a Wisconsin woman who volunteers the hand of her husband (killed in another freak mishap) for a transplant. The couple share some touching moments but spend too much of the novel apart so the vacuous Wallingford can bed a succession of unfortunate stereotypes. Crave a dose of Irving this summer? Try his little-known early novels The Water-Method Man and The 158-Pound Marriage. (Random House, $26.95)
Bottom Line: Hand jive
An Illustrated History of the Fabulous, Legendary Gabor Sisters
by Anthony Turtu and Donald F. Reuter
When (and if) you think of the Gabor sisters—Zsa Zsa, Eva and the one you never heard of, Magda, the family Zeppo—those officially ageless Hungarian queens of preen may bring to mind plumpish, over-coiffed, cop-slapping anachronisms. Surprisingly this adulatory, candy-colored scrapbook sets out not to correct that impression but to give it a big air kiss, arguing that these not-so-daffy divas wittingly and wittily strutted their female independence in the face of a straitlaced, male-dominated postwar culture. This surreal hodgepodge of pop includes career highlights (Zsa Zsa sang "High-heeled Sneakers" on Shindig), tabloid covers ("Zsa Zsa's Lament: Who Can Afford Me?"), a goulash recipe and even a long list of products endorsed by the embarrassment-free sisters.
The authors, both designers, offer us the Gabors not as role models but as fashion models, icons of '50s-era artifice. Those not so smitten with these "vonderful vimmin" might still enjoy the pleasingly ludicrous parade of bygone graphic and clothing styles. (Three Rivers, $15)
Bottom Line: Ga-ga but never bor-ing
by Robert Crais
Beach book of the week
The Mob is about to make Police Chief Jeff Talley an offer he can't refuse. If only he can keep from unraveling long enough to play along. When a botched robbery erupts into a hostage standoff, the former L.A. SWAT negotiator panics, paralyzed by memories of the bloodbath that drove him off the squad and into sleepy suburbia. But if Talley thinks all that's at stake is a family at gunpoint, fuhgeddaboutit.
Unbeknownst to all, the hapless hostage-takers have holed up in the home of a top Mafia accountant. Bada bing, the nervous dons want their trove of incriminating secrets back before the cops catch on that the bust of the century is a few feet away. Soon a goodfella "FBI" team storms the house. And to make their fake badges sparkle, they've done their homework on Talley.
In Hostage, Crais has delivered a blockbuster-ready tale so vivid, you don't read, you watch. But the price of the blistering pace is a dearth of description; characters sometimes lack depth, and there are stage directions where there ought to be scene-setting. Even so, this is a speedy, fun read that whacks the competition and already has Bruce Willis calling his agent. (Doubleday, $24.95)
Bottom Line: Captivating
by Elizabeth George
Elizabeth George's sprawling London spine tingler maps out a mystery entwined in a family saga that makes the Windsors look like the Cleavers.
George's ace crime solvers, detectives Thomas Lynley and Barbara Havers, are back on the case. This time they're searching for the link between the hit-and-run killing of Eugenie Davies and the secrets locked in the mind of her son, a celebrated violinist afflicted by his dysfunctional family and repressed memories, especially of his toddler sister's drowning more than 20 years earlier.
The cast of a thousand could-be killers includes a widowed army major who is obsessed with Eugenie, an oversexed cyberchatterer called TongueMan, whose address Eugenie was carrying when she died, and the police inspector who handled the toddler's murder.
George, an American who has mastered the British murder-mystery formula, falters only when it becomes clear toward the end of the book that events aren't taking place in real time. Otherwise the seamless plot and monstrous characters make for 719 killer pages. (Bantam, $26.95)
Bottom Line: A family affair to remember
Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius, and Obsession in the World of Competitive Scrabble Players
by Stefan Fatsis
Word Freak has an impassioned subtitle, and it lives up to every word. Fatsis, a Wall Street Journal reporter, started out observing the strange and insular world of tournament Scrabble. But the game became as much of a compulsion for him (he earned an expert rating) as it is for the colorful cast of misfits and savants he befriended over the course of two years.
Twitchy, fanatical, single-minded and spellbound characters from the upper reaches of the Scrabble universe make folks like Garry Kasparov and John McEnroe seem well-adjusted. There's G.I. Joel, so named for his ongoing war with his own gastrointestinal tract (and his unhesitating descriptions of same), and Matt Graham, an erstwhile stand-up comedian who carts an entire suitcase of stuffed animals with him to tournaments, along with a drugstore's worth of nutritional supplements. By the end of the book Fatsis is himself a ranked contestant in the National Championship tournament in Providence. But the stakes in even top-level Scrabble are so small that no one would ever try to make a living from it, except those for whom there is nothing else. Their stories spell out trance—or, rearranged, nectar. (Houghton Mifflin, $25)
Bottom Line: The elements of tile
SLAMMERKIN Emma Donoghue
The odd title is a word that means both a loose dress and a loose woman, and this novel, set in the 18th century, offers an involving tale about both. (Harcourt, $24)
RISE TO REBELLION Jeff Shaara
The genius of this book, the story of the founding of our nation, is that the author uses the novelized voices of Washington, Adams and Franklin to tell it. (Ballantine, $26.95)
BETWEEN LOVERS Eric Jerome
Dickey Lust and confusion collide in this supple novel about a woman who wants it all: the man she dumped at the altar—and the sexy female lawyer she loves. (Dutton, $23.95)
- Contributors:
- Daniel Radosh,
- Kyle Smith,
- Mark O'Donnell,
- Sean Gannon,
- Maggie Haberman,
- Scott Nybakken.
Saved by the Bell Reunion
The hookups, the meltdowns, the memoires
The case reveals what was really going on what they think of each other now!
