In an outfit that could have been willed to her by Liberace, Princess Sparkle Cream Puff—teen popster JESSICA SIMPSON—arrived on a cloud of Vivienne Tarn faux fur and fairy dust, bringing cheer and sequins to her fellow sprites at a Manhattan AIDS benefit last fall.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the scariest of them all? Madame Volcano Head, known at her day job as designer PATRICIA FIELD. The Sex and the City costumer appears to have been auditioning for The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the February premiere party for The Sopranos in Manhattan.

Don't worry, kiddies. Captain Sleepytime—ELTON JOHN to those of you with ears and radios—brought enough dots for everyone at a Royal Academy of Arts gala in London last autumn.

Dig it. Groovy Two Shoes ROB SCHNEIDER tuned into the peace and harmony at June's MTV Movie Awards in L.A. But are the geek-a-nator shirt and love beads a turn-on? Sorry, our panel deems them 30 watts short of a lava lamp. Tune out now.

She comes in pieces—that don't match. Proudly wearing the flag of her native planet, Pluto, Empress Emeraldina went as fashion designer BETSEY JOHNSON to a June benefit in New York City. Nah, the commute's easy: Those ruby slippers go anywhere.

Little Miss Hoedown (PAMELA ANDERSON) ditched her kinfolk, loaded up her truck and moved just west of Beverly Hills—right in time for fraternizing with the young uns at the 2001 Teen Choice Awards in L.A. last month.

Hey! It's Mr. Dinner Napkin, folded into a starched white tux and looking more like the bellhop at MICHAEL JACKSON's Neverland ranch than the lord of the manor himself, agleam at his March induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Migraine Man DAVID ARQUETTE proved a clashmaster of his domain, effortlessly inspiring headaches in fellow attendees of January's Snatch premiere in L.A. "Gagadelic, baby!" proclaims People's Steven Cojocaru. "Not even Austin Powers would be caught dead in this."

Wonder Why Woman took a beading at the Grammy Awards. Wonder how? Actress TRACI BINGHAM enlisted the help of designer Tina Marie, who spent three hours individually gluing rhinestones onto the former Baywatch actress. Bedazzled? We're more bewildered that anyone has this kind of time.

Hats—and hips—off to Catfight Girl CARMEN ELECTRA, who evidently went straight from a sale-rack melee at Joe's Discount Leather Warehouse to a March MTV party in L.A. honoring the launch of mtvlCON.