Up to some old tricks: This must be pail of the wardrobe from the Sabrina, the Teenage Witch episode where MELISSA JOAN HART (at the LA. stage production of The Lion King last October) ages 50 years.

At an L.A. event in June, Coyote Ugly actress PIPER PERABO "was influenced by the Beaver's mom," says PEOPLE'S Steven Gojocaru. "This dress screams June Cieaver with a bit of Mrs. Cunningham."

Spanning the generation gap in a flimsy excuse for fashion, granny-shawled JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT took in the L.A. premiere of TNT's James Dean in July looking ready for the early-bird special and a night of bingo.

The occasion was festive—the October launch of a Christian Bior boutique in Manhattan—but Oscar winner ANNA PAQUIN's dress "is so depressing, it needs to be on Prozac," declares Cojocaru, "There's no life to it."

"I've seen sleeping bags that fit better" than THORA BIRCH's outfit for a Beverly Hills benefit last fall, says Cojocaru. The Ghost WorldStar "looks like she was in the throes of playing dress-up and was caught. Busted!"

MENA SUVARI's mournful ensemble for a fashion awards show in dune had a slit down the center, but even that didn't add vim or vigor. "This dress is well-suited for a middle aged woman going to a Christmas party," observes Cojocaru.