Staying, Going, Gone
In a big day for talk TV, Dave, Oprah and Sally Jesse become the news

FOCUS

March madness raged on the 11th, but it had nothing to do with college basketball. In one nutty day, talk TV changed for good. First up, Sally Jesse Raphaël, 67, announced that after 19 years she's hanging up her scarlet specs at season's end (the show was canned when it slid precipitously in the talk show pack). Then Oprah "Winfrey, 48, said she would vacate her daytime throne in 2006, the show's 20th anniversary.

But the day's biggest drama unfolded when David Letterman told his Late Show audience that he would remain at CBS, despite ABC's aggressive, controversial bid to woo him for the 11:30 time slot now held by Nightline with Ted Koppel. "I would rather ride naked on the subway than go through what [ABC did]," said Letterman, 54, who inked a three-to-five-year deal at a reported $31.5 million a year with CBS. He was apparently mollified by the network's promise, among other things, to strengthen local newscast lead-ins to his show. And he probably didn't want to be known as the guy who booted Koppel.

CBS is thrilled, even considering Dave's not-so-good-natured jabs at his bosses. ("I don't want the morons of this network to think there won't be fistfights," Letterman cracked. "There will be fistfights.") "It doesn't bother me," says CBS-TV head Leslie Moonves. "It goes with the territory."

Broadway Brouhaha

C'mon along and listen to—a diva's wrath on Broadway. Patti LuPone, the star of Noises Off, doesn't care much for the cast's postplay pitch for the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS charity. "She feels really uncomfortable when people pay $75 a ticket to ask them for money," says her spokesman. LuPone, 52, was even more upset March 9 when, believing a lone cast member would make the plea, she left the stage. More than one remained, however. So she yelled at the stage manager. He replied in kind. Then LuPone skipped a couple of performances.

Most Broadway stars endorse the six-week fund drive, which helped net $1.9 million last year. "We're not extracting money from the homeless," notes Bea Arthur. Nathan Lane, a Broadway Cares trustee, says LuPone has supported the charity for years. "I would just chalk this up to 'matinee rage,' a second cousin to 'road rage,' " he says, "in which anxiety is increased by the sight of 1,500 women demanding a good time."

Life Is Booty Full

Celebrities far and wide are dreaming of the 2002 Academy Awards on March 24. A swish of satin, a pregnant pause at the podium...then the moment they've all been waiting for: picking up this year's Oscar Basket. Given to presenters and performers following their stage appearances, 1 each basket will be stuffed with $20,000—that's right, $20,000—worth of sumptuous goodies, including a CJ & Me handbag ($400), an Ebel watch ($1,450) and a certificate to Cabo San Lucas's lush Esperanza Resort ($2,000). Among the weirder loot: a teeth-whitening session at BriteSmile ($600) and a voucher for a Tempur-Pedic mattress (in any size from twin to king; $1,000-1,700). "I've worked on so many high-end baskets," says FanciFull Gift Baskets CEO Terry August, who oversaw the packaging of the treats. "And I have to say, this is the best one I have ever seen."

But wait, there's more. In the week before the show, a select group of stars are invited to "Oscar suites" at local hotel spas for manicures, pedicures, hair cutting and styling. And the tab goes to...the service providers, seeking Oscar publicity.

Caruso: Full Steam Ahead
The words "cuff him" are taking on a whole new meaning for former NYPD Blue star David Caruso. The 46-year-old actor, who played Detective John Kelly for a little more than a season on the cop drama before quitting in 1994 to pursue a movie career, has now joined forces with two business partners to create Steam, an upscale clothing and home furnishings emporium in South Miami. Caruso says the store, which opened in February, is merely a sideline venture. He still acts and hopes to produce and star in his own law enforcement TV series. Having spent time in both Hollywood and Miami for two years, Caruso and wife Margaret, 32, are anticipating a permanent move this fall. They own a $1 million South Beach condominium. Tip to Steam shoppers: Watch for blue-light specials on dark-blue shirts and bulletproof vests.

Face Off: Cher vs. Arnold
Perhaps bored with trouncing sinister masterminds and alien predators, Arnold Schwarzenegger recently took potshots at a new target: Cher. In February he joked that the 55-year-old legend, who admits to plastic surgery, would star in Terminator 3 as a terminator made of all artificial parts. On a separate occasion a reporter told Arnold, 54, he looked so good he must have had a facelift. Replied the actor: "You are confusing me with Cher." What does Cher think? "Those who live in glass houses," says her publicist, "shouldn't throw stones."

On a Roll, Jerry Builds Park Place
Even in a neighborhood where parking tickets can cost $50 and up, the thought of Jerry Seinfeld spending an estimated $1.4 million to build a three-story garage for his cars—five Porsches—stands out. Not that there's anything wrong with that—though some locals are concerned about ongoing construction noise. "Some days you feel like you're at the dentist getting your teeth drilled—you just feel it!" says Jennifer Walker, owner of the adjacent Practice Yoga, where daytime classes have been canceled due to the racket. Still, says Walker, the comic has been "very accommodating," reimbursing her for the dropped sessions and seeking to placate other neighbors with complimentary cases of wine. Three commercial garages stand on the same block (cost to house a luxury vehicle: approximately $500 a month), but none match Seinfeld's carport, which will reportedly feature a kitchenette—car d'oeuvres, anyone?—elevator and stone-paved deck.

Getting the Star Treatment
Star Jones plans to celebrate turning 40 on March 24 with 40 girlfriends—including her mom, her sister and a few celebs—at a "no boys allowed" weekend in Jamaica. (The View cohost will also launch her nonprofit Starlet Fund for women's causes.) "There will be Dom Pérignon from the moment they land," says Jones. Guests will also get goody bags stocked with silver champagne corks, Armani makeup, Michael Kors perfume and more—"gifts from my corporate friends," says Jones. So what does the birthday girl want? "My mother got married at 40," hints Jones. "Let's just put it like that."

POP QUIZ
with Kelly Ripa

Taking a break from Live with Regis and Kelly, Kelly Ripa teamed up with the Angels in Action program in Chicago March 8 to launch a competition that honors 10 kids for their community and charity work. Afterward Ripa, 31, chatted with Scoop.

Were you ever as good as these kids?

My mother is a very good person and she was into charity. Every year we collected for UNICEF when we collected Halloween candy. And a portion of our allowance every month went to Feed the Children and organizations like that.

Are your children [Michael, 4, and Lola, 9 months] showing signs of generosity?

Michael, if you explain to him that he should eat his dinner because there are hungry children in other places, always offers to mail his food to them. I'm not sure if he has a smart mouth or is civic-minded, but we'll find out soon enough.

How did you celebrate your first anniversary with Regis Philbin?

We didn't notice. Kathie Lee [Gifford, Ripa's predecessor] sent me flowers, which is how I knew it was one year.

Which flew by faster: your first year of marriage or your first year with Regis?

By the first year of marriage [to actor Mark Consuelos, 30], I was actually better at being married. I'm still no better at cohosting.

Regis has Millionaire. What kind of game show could ABC give you?

Makeup for Drag Queens? Something like that.

Has going Live changed your life?

I don't feel any different. I've worked on All My Children for 12 years and it hasn't been a shock to my system. People say I'm famous, but I'm really not. Only sometimes people now know my name instead of my character's name.

So it's a good thing?

I laugh every day that I go to work. It's ridiculous that they pay me to do that.

ON THE BLOCK

CHAMBERLAIN'S CORNER

Thorn Birds star Richard Chamberlain, 67, has put his Oahu hideaway on the market for $3,900,000; he plans to build a new nest elsewhere in Hawaii. "Richard is selling the place only because of his love to create," says real estate agent Tracy Pflueger Bryan. His last creation, built in 1990, on land that he purchased two years earlier, sits on a lush mountain overlooking Honolulu's city lights and the Pacific Ocean. Stained-glass doors, beamed ceilings and skylights accent the four-bedroom, 6,586-sq.-ft. residence. Guests can enjoy their own private quarters and the pool and spa near the lanai. Those seeking an even mellower vibe can check out the compound's meditation gardens.