VH1 (Sundays, 9 p.m. ET)
When I heard that this year's installment of Surreal was going to have a circus theme, I looked forward to grabbing a ringside seat. In seasons past I've watched Flavor Flav get freaky with Brigitte Nielsen, M.C. Hammer administer Corey Feldman's wedding vows and Tammy Faye Messner dissolve into tears at a nudist resort. So I was particularly primed for the sideshow that would be season 5, featuring reality harpies Omarosa (of Apprentice fame) and Janice Dickinson (America's Next Top Model's acerbic diva), '80s relic Bronson Pinchot and a three-legged dog named Lucky. Pass the peanuts.
At least that's how I felt before another Lifer, "U.K. glamour model" (as VH1 bills her) Caprice, got into a detailed dialogue about toilet-flushing methodology with disgraced baseball slugger Jose Canseco and rapper Sandi "Pepa" Denton. Before Pinchot (Balki from Perfect Strangers) pawed Dickinson and called it "a little bit of friendly gnawing" after declaring, "I think the sex would be amazing." (I'm pretty sure I saw the slime ooze out of his pores as he said this.) And most definitely before Dickinson had a breakdown about Pinchot's advances, which she played to Miss Piggy levels of hammy hysteria. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages: I think I've outgrown this.
Sure, there are a few guilty pleasures to be had. As smug as ever, Omarosa declares that she is "more brighter" than Donald Trump. Motocross daredevil (and fiancé of pop star Pink) Carey Hart notes dryly, "It's definitely a circus in here, and we've got plenty of clowns." And Lucky is so completely random that I cracked up whenever he hobbled onscreen.
Sadly, it wasn't enough. And thus what I'd hoped would be a breezy summer escape instead devolved into a tedious, skin-crawling turnoff. "It's like watching a really bad accident," Omarosa says of arch-nemesis Dickinson. "You can't turn away." Wanna bet?
REALITY
Minding the Store
TBS (Sundays, 10 p.m. ET)
The Weasel is back, and—shocker!—he's actually kind of funny. Seriously. The show tracks '90s-era doofus Pauly Shore as he tries to revive The Comedy Store, the famed L.A. stand-up club cofounded by his dad in 1972. There are some strained subplots, but the best bits involve Shore's warm rapport with dad Sammy, a spry wiseacre. Biggest surprise: Shore is a babe magnet. Watching women throw themselves at him after a stand-up gig is to behold the power of fame—even the Encino Man variety.
Shark Week (Discovery Channel, July 17-21, 9 p.m. ET) The Myth Busters (love those guys) tackle falsehoods about the deep-blue predator. I know, I know, they're not really our enemies. I'm still scared.
ESPY Awards (ESPN, July 17, 9 p.m. ET) Matthew Perry hosts the sports network's annual jocks-and-jokes fete.
The Backyardigans (Nick Jr., July 18, 10 a.m. ET) The friendly gang of animated critters star in a new special episode that will keep your tykes happy at least long enough for you to manage a shower. Enjoy.
Blow Out (Bravo, July 19, 9 p.m. ET) A dishy season finale caps off the reality series about a Beverly Hills hairstylist.
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, July 20, 8 p.m.) Yes, I miss John O'Hurley's paso doble too. But at least this new series can fill your weekly dance card.
Reality TV Stars Venus & Serena Williams
Their off-court lives are busy these days—Venus has a thriving interior design business and Serena is a fledgling actress—but tennis remains the Williams sisters' first love. Earlier this month Venus, 25, won the longest women's final in Wimbledon history, and Serena, 23, is the reigning Australian Open champ. But you'll get much more than a net's-eye view of the siblings in Venus & Serena: For Real, a six-episode reality series premiering July 20 on ABC Family. PEOPLE's Tom Cunneff recently caught up with them in L.A.
WAS IT HARD HAVING A CAMERA IN YOUR FACE ALL THE TIME?
Venus: I had some reservations about it, but it was easier than expected. I don't think the other [tennis] players were too happy about the cameras. There are a lot who may not like us. They probably like us less now.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
Serena: It's because we're able to do things outside of tennis. Everyone has jealousy in their lives.
WHO ARE YOU JEALOUS OF?
Serena: I'm jealous of Green Day because I can't play the guitar like them. Venus: I'm jealous of the people who get to relax in the sun. I see all these models posing and looking beautiful, and I always look sweaty.
WHO'S THE BETTER DRESSER?
Serena: Venus. She's got her own style. I change mine all the time.
WHAT ABOUT BOYFRIENDS? SERENA, ARE YOU STILL SEEING DIRECTOR BRETT RATNER?
Serena: We're good friends. I call him every now and then, see how he's doing.
DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, VENUS?
Venus: There's never been any public acknowledgment about who I see. That's the kiss of death. Once you talk about it, it's over after that. But I'm very much a free woman. I don't have any rings on my fingers. I like it like that.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT EACH OTHER?
Venus: She's a hot date. I can take her on the red carpet and she won't embarrass me. She's [also] got a great serve.
Serena: Which makes me a great doubles partner. Venus is a great role model for me. She doesn't behave promiscuously—if she did, I'd probably want to too.
Gordon Ramsay Like a culinary drill sergeant, British chef Gordon Ramsay vigorously chews out the apprentices cooking for him on FOX's reality series Hell's Kitchen. PEOPLE'S Bryan Alexander caught Ramsay, 38, in a mellower mood:
DID YOU EVER HAVE YOUR MOUTH WASHED OUT AS A CHILD?
I don't swear in front of my mom, and I certainly don't in front of my four young children. But you've clearly never spent a day in a kitchen, have you? Do you think when you [burn yourself], you say, "What a shame, I've just poured hot fat over my thumb!"
ARE PEOPLE AFRAID OF YOU?
I was at the [gas] station and there's this lady on crutches. As I went over to open her door for her, she went, "Don't hit me." I said, "All I want to do is help you out of your car, you wombat."
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE DONALD TRUMP ABOUT MANAGEMENT?
He doesn't seem to really break a sweat. If you saw him actually punch the bloody desk and say, "Look, that was pathetic," then I think you'd gain a lot more respect for him.
- Contributors:
- Michelle Tauber.
Saved by the Bell Reunion
The hookups, the meltdowns, the memoires
The case reveals what was really going on what they think of each other now!
