NBC (Nov. 20, 8 p.m. ET)
[STARS 1]
Like a whiff of middle-school-era perfume, certain shows instantly transport you to another time. Watching The Poseidon Adventure, a TV-movie remake of the 1972 capsized cruise-liner film, had the curious effect of whisking me back to the mid-'80s. I'm not sure whether to blame the lame FX (the upside-down furniture after the ship has flipped is straight out of Lionel Richie's "Dancing on the Ceiling" video) or the presence of my '80s crush C. Thomas Howell. But this Poseidon hit me like a triple spritz of Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth body spray: I kept waiting for "Hungry Eyes" to play during Steve Guttenberg's make-it-stop seduction scene with the ship's sexy masseuse. (Him, arriving at her cabin door: "I don't know what I'm doing here." Her, lustily: "I think you do.")
Yes, Steve Guttenberg. The '80s staple himself plays a cheatin' husband, one of several passengers new to this version of the S.S. Poseidon's doomed voyage. Fans of the first film may recognize the heroic clergyman (Rutger Hauer in the Gene Hackman role) and plucky Mrs. Rosen (Sylvia Syms, in for Shelley Winters). The rest of us will be left to ponder why a dazed-looking Howell (as the ship's doc) appears to have whittled himself down to about the width of an oar.
All of which would make this a throwaway TV movie suitable for a few minutes of laundry folding. But the film goes from cheesy to offensive when a Homeland Security agent onboard warily eyes the "international" waitstaff. (This time it's terrorists—not a wave—who sink the boat.) Bad acting is one thing, but trading on tired one-dimensional stereotypes? That is so '80s.
THE TYRA BANKS SHOW VS AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
Tyra: [STARS 2.5]
Model: [STARS 4]
America's Next Top Model is possibly my favorite show. Ever. Yeah, I said it. No hour of TV provides more of an escape than Tyra Banks's brilliantly executed reality competition, now in its fifth season. Beyond the fantasy fulfillment—the gorgeous getups, the catwalk strutting—is a briskly paced series stuffed to the seams with creative new challenges (enlisting the guys from MTV's raucous Wildboyz for a recent shoot was inspired). So what if the girls aren't destined for Vogue? Escapism this potent is practically a public service, and for that I thank Model mastermind Banks.
Now if only the savvy supermodel's new syndicated chatfest, The Tyra Banks Show, made good on its host's talents. The trouble is, Tyra is often beneath Tyra. Deadbeats seemingly culled from Ricki Lake's green room circa 1995 appear too frequently, provoking an expression of bad-sushi queasiness from Banks. She fares better in segments that exploit her penchant for keepin' it real—stripping off her makeup was a nice touch—though she often struggles to fill the hour (no more talk about her breasts, please!). I suggest Tyra take the advice she so forcefully doles out on Model and Be Fierce. Then she'll be onto something.
COMEDY
NBC (Tuesdays, 9:30 p.m. ET)
[STARS 3]
FROM: Corporate
SUBJECT: Performance Review
When I first visited the Scranton branch (henceforth known as The Office) last March, I was under the impression that you were the star employee. But I found your performance to be without heart. Frankly, I got a little bored of your general shallowness. I recall the words "buffoonish" and "grating" coming to mind.
Revisiting now, I see that you're not quite as desperate for attention as before, making The Office much more bearable. (By the way, has anyone told you you look like that 40-Year-Old Virgin guy Steve Carell?) But what really stands out to me are two of your employees, Jim and Pam (John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer). Their sweetly flirtatious relationship has revitalized The Office. As you know, we had been discussing downsizing your branch, but as long as that endearing sales guy and mousy receptionist keep making each other blush, we will reconsider. The Office is working better than ever, and for that, your entire team is to be commended. I look forward to my next visit this Tuesday. Perhaps I can even persuade a few others to join me.
>Earth to America! (TBS, Nov. 20, 8 p.m. ET) Larry David, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks are among the stars set to appear on this eco-friendly special à la Comic Relief.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show (Syndicated, Nov. 21-25) The dance-crazed host brings her show to N.Y.C. and gets a visit from the Rockettes. High kick it, El!
Kenny Chesney: Somewhere in the Sun (ABC, Nov. 23, 8 p.m. ET) It's Thanksgiving Eve, you forgot the cranberry sauce and grocery store lines are a nightmare. Chill out with the country singer's island themed concert special.
The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (NBC, Nov. 24, 9 a.m. ET) Marvel at how decades of lip-synching technology can still look this bad.
Days of Our Lives (NBC, Nov. 25, 1 p.m. ET) Here's to you, Days, which is celebrating its 40th year with this episode. Long live Salem queen Mrs. Horton!
>Alias
I remember it well: the second season of Alias, when our gal Sydney Bristow—played with star-making sizzle by Jennifer Garner—really hit her stride. There was her oh-so-delicious sexual tension with smoldering Agent Vaughn (Michael Vartan), the epic battling with her super-spy mother (Lena Olin), and a candy-colored parade of campy-vampy disguises.
That was then and—deep sigh—this is now. In its fifth season, Alias has had one very large problem: its star's belly. Early on, the writers had Syd—whose pregnancy on the show mirrors Garner's in real life—continue her field work, which made for preposterous scenarios in which she jumped pregnant off a cliff (!) and attempted the sexy secret agent thing. (Emphasis on secret. It's tough to be inconspicuous when that telltale pregnancy waddle takes over, something even a goddess like Garner can't escape. As one who has waddled the waddle, I say hallelujah to that.)
More recently, Syd has been reduced to coaching a newbie spy, who comes across like a blonde Sydney Extra Lite. To be fair, Alias had lost most of its mojo well before the pregnancy plotline: Lena Olin's character is MIA; the Rambaldi mythology at the heart of the series is beyond untangling; and worst of all, Vaughn appears to be dead (though he is set to resurface—in a dream?). Still, I've come too far to quit watching now. Here's hoping a post-pregnancy Garner storms back as one bad mother.
>SEX AND THE CITY: THE COMPLETE SERIES ($299.95) DVD [STARS 3.5] EXTRAS [STARS 4]
This boxed set of all six seasons of the HBO hit comes in a Cosmo-pink binder and is almost as pricey as Carrie's Manolos. But the 94 episodes and bonus features-including a Sex and the City shopping guide and "finish that phrase" game-make it a must for die-hard fans.
THE BEST & WORST OF AMERICAN IDOL: SEASONS 1-4 ($34.98) DVD [STARS 3] EXTRAS [STARS 2]
Each season's winner—and the worst of the wannabes—shine in their full glory. Some standout moments though—Ruben Studdard's "Superstar," for one-are oddly absent, and lengthy interviews with Paula Abdul and Season 4's Carrie and Bo are strictly for the hard-core.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON ($39.98) DVD [STARS 4] EXTRAS [STARS 2]
The critically acclaimed second season showcases the comedy's oddball twists and frenetic pacing, and overlooked moments of hilarity come to light with each repeated viewing. But the extras disappoint with too few deleted scenes and too many cast discussions of particular episodes.
- Contributors:
- Michelle Tauber,
- Jennifer Wulff,
- Maureen Harrington,
- Ashley Williams,
- Bryan Alexander.
Saved by the Bell Reunion
The hookups, the meltdowns, the memoires
The case reveals what was really going on what they think of each other now!
