Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston
After opening a slew of Oscar hopefuls during the final months of 2003, Hollywood is now dumping into multiplexes what might be called its Oscar nopefuls. These are dinky, dopey films like Along Came Polly that are to Citizen Kane what a mud puddle is to the Atlantic Ocean.
Formulaic in the extreme, Polly features a straitlaced guy (Stiller) whose world gets all shook up when he starts dating a wacky gal (Aniston). She's a free spirit who makes him eat spicy foods (cue the toilet jokes), go salsa dancing and gobble goobers out of a common bowl at a bar. One doesn't believe for a second that this painfully mismatched duo would ever go on a second date, much less fall in love. Stiller fails to inject even an ounce of charm into his uptight character. Aniston, while likable, has no more than the bare outline of a character to play, leaving her flailing to flesh it out.(PG-13)
Scarlett Johansson, Colin Firth
One should strive to hand out praise whenever possible. Hewing to that dictum, let me say that Girl with a Pearl Earring is easily the most beautiful-looking movie ever shot in Luxembourg, though it moves at a pace akin to watching a painting dry.
Tiny Luxembourg serves as the primary stand-in for The Netherlands in the 17th century, the setting for this decidedly decorous adaptation of author Tracy Chevalier's popular 1999 novel of the same name. Like the book, the film speculates on the intense, but chaste, relationship between married artist Johannes Vermeer (Firth) and Grief (Johansson), the teenage servant who posed for the titular painting. Artist and model bond discussing light and color, but conventions of class and custom keep them apart. Johansson (Lost in Translation) gleams quietly, while Firth seems lost beneath an unflattering, long strawlike wig. (PG-13)
ANIMATED
Voices by Nathan Lane, Kelsey Grammer
Nathan Lane is up to his old tricks—namely stealing the show—playing a sly dog in this peppy comic cartoon. He provides most of the movie's laughs as the voice for Spot, a talking canine who, inspired by Pinocchio, longs to be a real boy. This wisecracking pooch passes for human by concealing his ears beneath a cap, donning clothes, walking upright and just saying no to kibble. When the chance to turn into a real human comes along, courtesy of an experimental device created by a scary mad scientist (Grammer), Spot jumps.
The lesson to be learned here, because there is always a lesson in kids' cartoons, is that one should be happy just being who—or what—one is. Based on a former ABC Saturday-morning and now Toon Disney TV show, Teacher's Pet is drawn in an aggressively flat style, is dotted with visual jokes and features catchy musical numbers brimming with campy lyrics, as when Spot warbles, "What is it with this family and singing?/ I'm starting to feel von Trapped." (PG)
VROOM VROOM
Ice Cube, Martin Henderson
It may be the dead of winter, but this oil-drenched, motorcycle-loving action picture is a drive-in movie if there ever was one. Which is not meant as high praise. Torque is about a hunksome, hog-riding rebel (Henderson) who teams up with an honorable, bike-straddling gang leader (Cube) to trap a villainous, motorcycle-loving drug dealer. Just so that no one mistakenly thinks that mean machines are an exclusively male preserve, our rebel hero's estranged girlfriend (Monet Mazur) runs a motorcycle repair shop—and she isn't one to tag along in a sidecar. Chases, explosions and more chases ensue. The only thing missing is Nancy Sinatra in her little white go-go boots and a black leather jacket. (PG-13)
Forget reality TV: For truly gripping tales of the human condition, look no further than this pair of outstanding documentaries. The first was Oscar-nominated last year; the second will likely receive a nod this month.
Spellbound (Columbia TriStar, $26.96)
This letter-perfect look at kids' quests to win the 1999 National Spelling Bee is as pulse-pounding as a popcorn action flick and as emotionally wrenching as a Meryl Streep weepie.
Extras: Enlightening commentary from the producer and director, who chronicle the perils of working on a tiny budget; deleted scenes focusing on three other competitors who prove less compelling than the film's eight featured kids; and brief updates on each speller (one is already engaged!). (G)
Capturing the Friedmans (HBO, $29.95)
Full of disturbing revelations, director Andrew Jarecki's examination of a seemingly tranquil suburban family ensnared in a child-molestation scandal-Arnold Friedman and his son Jesse were convicted of abuse, perhaps on shaky evidence—haunts long after viewing.
Extras: Jarecki's fascinating commentary details how his short film about New York City clowns (Just a Clown, also included) morphed into Friedmans. A packed second disc—with additional interviews and evidence, emotional reactions to the movie from its subjects and a feature on Jesse's tough adjustment to life after prison—perfectly complements the film. (Not rated)
- Contributors:
- Leah Rozen,
- Jason Lynch.
Saved by the Bell Reunion
The hookups, the meltdowns, the memoires
The case reveals what was really going on what they think of each other now!
