MEMOIR
Easily and sleazily the most outrageous, obnoxious and just plain filthy movie-biz memoir of all time, Eszterhas's 736-page (!) confession of his sex-crazed, drug-addled days as a screenwriter (Basic Instinct) leaves no Sharon Stone unturned. Say what you will about the Hungarian refugee-turned-La-La-Land lothario—he's bitter, he's delusional, he hasn't had one of his scripts made into a flick since 1998—but don't accuse him of pulling punches. This guy burns bridges the way Barry Bonds hits homers. Sly Stallone, Elizabeth Berkley and Michael Ovitz: Get ready for your closeups.
The egomaniacal bard behind such subtle masterworks as Showgirls (which he says has a "deeply religious message") spills the bawdy beans on half of Hollywood. His favorite punching bags are producer Robert Evans, who appears as a coke-loving gigolo, and starlet Stone, fleshed out as a pot-smoking home wrecker. Shameless and fearless, Eszterhas is the perfect guy to tattle on Tinseltown. He's a surprisingly engaging writer, and he isn't too proud to dish about himself, giving us a lascivious play-by-play of cheating on his first wife with the wife of his best friend, who just happened to be having an affair with—Sharon Stone. Hoo boy! Get ready to feel guilty in the morning.
By Anchee Min
NOVEL
CRITIC'S CHOICE
"A tragedy foreshadows good luck," says one character to Orchid, the heroine of this lush novel set in 1852 China. The prophecy bears out, for Orchid is soon plucked to become one of Emperor Hsien Feng's seven wives. The novel is based on the true story of the 17-year-old who traded poverty for the ornate confines of the emperor's Forbidden City guarded by 2,000 eunuchs.
The luxury of the palace barely disguises the treachery it takes to survive there, and Min superbly chronicles Orchid's savvy attempts to win the emperor's heart so she can bear him an heir. History has blamed Orchid for the fall of the Ch'ing dynasty. Min, however, evokes Orchid as a smart politician and demanding mother. While the book's historical research impresses, Min's prose brings immediacy to the period. One woman possesses a "scorpion mouth but a tofu heart." The words also aptly describe this book's unforgettable heroine.
By Helene Stapinski
MEMOIR
The drummer is the muscle of a rock and roll band. And when Stephonic's beat keeper was mean mistreated, first by her no-good cheating husband, then by her two-timing bandmates, her reaction was as fierce as a John Bonham drum solo. A former PEOPLE contributor, journalist Stapinski chronicles the joy, heartbreak and recrimination of her parallel lives as a newlywed and drummer for a struggling rock band. Whether writing about the slow transformation of posthoneymoon bliss to the under-the-same-roof estrangement that plagues many marrieds or the first-datelike jitters and commitment phobia of bandmates, Stapinski keeps the pace brisk. "We were coasting on that wave, lost inside that zone, that Tilt-a-Whirl spin, three of us all together," she writes of her band. While only one of her cherished relationships survives, her matrimonial and music mates learn that a drummer's heart is not to be trifled with.
By Douglas Preston
THRILLER
The Honduras Tourist Board must be scrambling to counter Preston's latest Indiana Jones-style thriller, in which jaguars, wasps and anacondas stalk his heroes, three half brothers. Their dying father, tycoon Maxwell Broadbent, has taken his riches to a Mayan ruin, intending to entomb himself like an ancient ruler. His sons are chasing his treasure, including a manuscript or codex that describes illnesses and the plants used to cure them—but big pharma companies are after it too. Preston keeps the adventure high, springing plenty of nifty surprises along the way.
By Pete McCarthy
TRAVEL
Decoding the mysteries of such weird places as Tangier, Tasmania and Rocky Sullivan's pub in New York City, Anglo-Irish writer McCarthy rivals master traveler Bill Bryson. In pursuit of Irish lore, he meets an uncrowned king of Ireland in Morocco, a psychotic Tasmanian goose and Jeremy the Dogmusher, host of a husky-powered thrill ride in McCarthy, Alaska ("the middle of nowhere but not so central"). Even the throwaway gags are keepers: Hotel TV is "terrible. I'd rather watch a still photograph of the hotel lobby. Luckily, they're showing one on Channel 3." And here's the essence of making the road your home: Talking to strangers beats "being with family, because no one can see the gulf between what you're saying and what they know you're like from years of unpleasant experience." Don't look in the rearview, Mr. Bryson: Someone might be gaining on you.
By Jane McCafferty
SHORT STORIES
Ordinary people stumble toward transcendence in this set of stories linked to songs. McCafferty's Northeasterners speak eloquently in twisted metaphors. They don't intend to break the boundaries of their semimarginalized existences but wind up opening themselves "like you open the front door for the cat, just enough for the animal to slink through into the open air." Backed by references to the music of Springsteen, the Shirelles and Trisha Yearwood, their struggles become an album of epiphanies.
NOBODY'S PERFECT
Helene Eksterowicz knows heartbreak. She won Aaron Buerge's rose on The Bachelor—then got dumped at a Starbucks. She (far right) and fellow Bachelor contestant Gwen Gioia give dating tips in Nobody's Perfect:
WATCH FOR FAMILY TIES: Listen to what the guy says about his relatives. "We make fun of the Mama's Boy in the book," Eksterowicz tells PEOPLE. "But if a guy has a good connection with his mother, it says a lot." Adds Gioia: "If there are problems (with his family), they'll be problems for you,"
LOOK BEYOND LOOKS: "Looks have become less important for me," says Eksterowicz. "I don't care if he's on the cover of GQ magazine, if he doesn't treat me well, what's that? Nothing."
MAKE SURE HE'S SINGLE: Be wary of the separated but not divorced. "Somebody who's already in a relationship and trying to start another one would be a deal breaker," Gioia says.
PUMP YOUR OWN GAS: Gioia has had luck at the self-service island. Guys will "pump right next to me, and they'll peer around and start talking. You'd be surprised how many people do that."
DON'T GO ON THE BACHELOR... unless you enjoy strangers asking about your love life. "My heart's been broken before but never in such a public way," Eksterowicz says. "I hope [Buerge] finds somebody. And I hope he wishes the same for me."
- Contributors:
- Sean Daly,
- John Freeman,
- Steve Dougherty,
- Edward Karam,
- Kyle Smith,
- Melanie Danburg.
Saved by the Bell Reunion
The hookups, the meltdowns, the memoires
The case reveals what was really going on what they think of each other now!
