Carey, 50, replaced Bob Barker as the host of daytime's The Price Is Right seven months ago—and CBS's new prime-time episodes (ending May 21) have big audiences coming on down. The comic, an outspoken libertarian who got engaged last year to Nicole Jaracz, took time out to play a what-if game.

...IF HE WERE ELECTED PRESIDENT?
I'd treat everyone with love and forgiveness. Every decision I made, I'd try to find the loving solution. I'd stop the drug war and spend the money on counselors and education. In fact, the answer to everything—whether you are President or not—is to treat everyone with love and forgiveness. But if everyone did that, we wouldn't need a President.

...IF HE COULD HAVE ANYTHING TATTOOED ON HIS CHEST?
"This End Up" ... Just in case I ever fell and knocked myself out. I don't want any mistakes being made."

...IF HE COULD HAVE HIS PERFECT WEDDING?
Five minutes long, in the backyard, no relatives, no friends, just me and her. I don't want a fancy wedding. I don't like them. I want my wedding to be like how I shop at the mall. I know what I want, I buy it and I leave. No dillydallying.

...IF HIS ARM GOT STUCK IN ONE OF THE GAMES AGAIN?
I crushed some nerves in my arm when it got stuck in a giant revolving wall during our grocery game. I still have the scar. If it happened again, I'd say the exact same swear words I said before. You'd see a lot of ampersands and exclamation points over my head.

...IF A PRICE IS RIGHT AUDIENCE MEMBER'S TUBE TOP MALFUNCTIONED (AS HAPPENED WHEN BOB BARKER WAS HOSTING)?
I've got no problem with that. I just hope the cameras are rolling. That's what digital pixilation is for.