MY ANTONIO
VH1, Aug. 16, 10 p.m. ET/PT |

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REALITY
If The Bachelor mated with a telenovela, and the offspring arrived with chiseled abs and a pair of dimples, it would look a lot like My Antonio. The reality-dating clichés are all here: gorgeous scenery (Hawaii), bikinied wannabes and, of course, a looking-for-love Mr. Right (Antonio Sabato Jr., he of the sizzling six-pack in those '90s Calvin Klein ads). But the show also takes a few campy cues from Latin soaps, with "surprise" appearances by Sabato's imperious mother and his ex-wife, who turns up to win him back. It's a chunk of cheese, all right, but it pairs well with Sabato's brand of ham. "This is a metaphor for my life," he declares upon sending the women scrambling up a gravel-covered hill, in dresses, to test their physical endurance. Sometimes it's better just to let the dimples do the talking.

Bravo, Aug. 19, 9 p.m. ET/PT |

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REALITY
Things that made me happy while watching the sixth-season premiere of Top Chef: 1) The return of Food & Wine's insightful Gail Simmons to the judges' table; 2) The always-riveting "Mise en Place Relay Race" (involving high-speed clam shucking—it gets bloody); 3) Host Padma Lakshmi's killer wardrobe; and 4) Bacon donuts! And that's not even counting that sharp knife of a head judge, Tom Colicchio, and a rich talent pool, including several prestigious James Beard award nominees. Throw in a deep-fried steak (yes!) and a vice-tastic Vegas setting, and gluttony never looked so good.

Nickelodeon, Aug. 17, 8 p.m. ET/PT |

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COMEDY
What does a clay audience's laughter sound like? Turns out it's a lot like the obnoxious canned chuckles last heard on, say, Charles in Charge. Strange as it is to pair a stop-motion animated comedy with a laugh track, it wouldn't be so bad if the jokes were funny. Instead this tween-targeted series, which follows dentist dad Glenn Martin (voiced by Kevin Nealon) and his family's RV adventures, gives us a prostitute joke right off the bat. And it's a really bad sign when a show resorts to ye olde visiting-the-Amish plotline in its very first episode.

E!, Aug. 16, 10:30 p.m. ET/PT |

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REALITY
A reality show about contestants who think they're participating in another reality show (got that?), this new series combines wicked spoofs of the genre with Punk'd-style practical jokes. In the premiere an aspiring model named Kelly thinks she's appearing on a show called The Complete Package and gamely dons a dog collar to pose for ads for a fake champagne. It's crass and a little mean, but for America's Next Top Model diehards, the biting send-up—including an "aging supermodel" judge, sexually ambiguous contestant and cocky photographer (all actors)—is pretty fierce. Another gag skewers Wife Swap (an actress playing a trophy wife switches with an unwitting suburban mom) to hilarious effect. It's Candid Camera for our anyone-can-be-a-star age.

>1 KOURTNEY AND KHLOE TAKE MIAMI SUN. 8/16, 10 P.M. E! Two Kardashian sisters not named Kim frolic in South Beach.

2 SHAQ VS. TUES. 8/18, 9 P.M. ABC The NBA giant takes on top athletes in different sports. First up: Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger.

3 MASTER MINDS TUES. 8/18, 10 P.M. TLC New series Masters of Reception spotlights Jersey caterers the Frungillo brothers.

4 PROJECT RUNWAY THURS. 8/20, 10 P.M. LIFETIME About time! Much-delayed season 6 (set in L.A.) finally bows.

5 BACK IN THE SADDLE FRI. 8/21, 10 P.M. ANIMAL PLANET The fascinating docu-drama Jockeys leaves the gate for season 2.

>• As ABC's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire celebrates its 10th anniversary Aug. 16, its first top winner, 41, still works for the IRS.

DID YOU CONSIDER QUITTING YOUR JOB AFTER WINNING? As a brief fantasy, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to live on the money forever. It's a good safety net. But it wasn't baseball-player money.

BIGGEST SPLURGE? I bought a dark-gray BMW. It wasn't flashy or ridiculously opulent.

DID WINNING CHANGE YOUR LIFE? I get recognized in public, but it's not Brad Pitt levels, more like TV weatherman levels ... and people tend to believe anything I tell them. But I'm not a celebrity anymore. I'm more like a curiosity.

>• The Indiana native, 28, plays a hunky gymnast in the ABC Family drama.

ON HIS ACROBATIC SKILLS I did gymnastics and was nationally competitive in Tae Kwon Do as a kid. I can still tumble and do round-offs, but landing and rising up into the camera is all I do on the show.

ON DATING AS A SINGLE GUY The craziest thing I've done for a girl is go on last-minute trips to visit her and surprise her with flowers. But listening is the key to dating. Girls always give hints on what they like, so I try to do that. It works!

ON BEING CALLED A SEX SYMBOL It's embarrassing. I went to chess camp in high school, so I don't know how that matches up with being a sex symbol!

>As ambitious advertising-copywriter Peggy Olson on the AMC drama, the Emmy nominee, 27, knows her way around a good ad campaign: "I like commercials that make me think or laugh," she says. With input from her Saturday Night Live fiancé Fred Armisen ("Being engaged fits us like a glove," she says), Moss picks her top TV ads.

APPLE, "THINK DIFFERENT" (1997) I love the idea behind this. It makes me feel proud about what I do and makes me want to do it better.

GEICO, "AIRPORT" (2006) I like when there's no dialogue. The way the caveman expresses his anger and frustration at the ad makes me laugh.

APPLE, "1984" (1984) This is my favorite. It's the most moving and artistic ad I've seen: intense, raw and unlike any other. A work of art.

COCA-COLA, "ARCTIC BEACH PARTY" (2005) Just the fact that I remembered it makes it good. And who doesn't like polar bears?

IKEA, "LAMP" (2002) My fiancé recommended this. It's funny and made me feel real sympathy for the lamp. The ending nails me!