HBO, June 10, 9 p.m. ET/PT |
HORROR
A mix of gore, sex and camp humor, True Blood is constitutionally so unstable, it never has to worry about jumping the shark: It could waltz with a penguin too, and who'd know? The first episodes of season 5 are a mess, with little of the cohesion provided by last summer's strong, seizing guest performance by Fiona Shaw. But the show is still crazily entertaining. Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) and Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) are pawns in the growing fundamentalist vampire war. We're ushered into oppressively corporate vampire headquarters and learn all sorts of silly arcana about these monsters. For example, did you know vampires can suffer developmental disabilities? This is revealed in a bizarre plot twist that plays like a sick joke. Cast newcomer Christopher Meloni emerges from the shadows looking like a barrel-chested mobster, then retracts his fangs with an amusingly delicate click. As one of the show's many vaguely defined uber-vampires, he seems to be having a sly good time. Beyond that, the plot just sloshes around. The werewolves, who are about as scary as pack dogs waiting for a sled, return for a funeral. And indefatigable Sookie Stackhouse (the terrific Anna Paquin) gets on with the business of dealing with the supernatural freaks crowding her porch.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Syfy, June 9, 9 p.m. ET/PT |
HORROR
Syfy keeps gamely throwing out silly horror mash-ups along the lines of 2010's Sharktopus. This one takes Jaws and grafts it, probably with chewed gum and waterproof hair gel, onto a parody of MTV's Jersey Shore. Pile-drilling off the sands of Seaside Heights stirs up a school of red-eyed, albino sharks. They leap out of the water and terrify a population that includes proud lowlifes named Nooki and the Complication. It's intentionally bad, but I laughed anyways-sorry, anyway. When an overturned boat covered with blood drifts near shore, one kid's first assumption is that the smears are spaghetti sauce.
Longmire
A&E, June 3, 10 p.m. ET/PT |
CRIME
Sheriff Walt Longmire of Absaroka County, Wyo., makes Justified's Raylan Givens look like the sort of fun-lover who'd wear a lampshade over his marshal's hat. Stoic, plainspoken and poker-faced, Longmire nonetheless grieves for his dead wife and, reminded of her, lets one buffalo-size teardrop splatter the toe of his dusty boot. Then it's back to solving a murder. Robert Taylor, an Australian actor virtually unknown here, makes a fine, old-fashioned lawman: He looks and sounds a lot like the late James Arness, star of the long-ago, legendary CBS western Gunsmoke. If the show isn't terribly ambitious to break new ground (you've already got Justified for that), it's a nice lull.
ROYAL PAINS
Mark Feuerstein is back with the breezy medical drama, tackling a neurological crisis at an eating competition. USA, June 6.
MASTERCHEF
The cook-off fires up a new season over two nights. Contestants include a plastic surgeon and an opera singer. FOX, June 4.
RIZZOLI & ISLES
Season 3 of the playful crime-and-friendship series launches as Angie Harmon stumbles on police corruption. TNT, June 5.
YOUR REALITY SHOW IS ABOUT FOUR PARALYZED WOMEN. WHAT IMPACT DO YOU HOPE IT HAS?
It's huge for me and the girls to shatter negativity, educate and remind people what life is about: quit sweating the small stuff!
HOW IS YOUR MODELING CAREER GOING?
Great. I have gigs with Nordstrom and I'm transitioning to a bigger agency. Bigger companies are starting to get it: Kohl's featured a mannequin in a wheelchair.
WHY DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, ACTOR DUSTIN NGUYEN, SEPARATE LAST YEAR?
I wanted to have children, but Dustin was afraid something would happen during childbirth. Also, he'd been going back and forth to shoot movies in Vietnam. I felt lonely. It would have been different if I was able-bodied and could hop on a plane anytime. But we still love each other.
DO YOU STILL WANT KIDS? YES!
I'm freaking out, thinking "I have to find a man and have a baby." But if I I end up alone, I'll adopt.
Many men head to Vegas for their bachelor party. But for Mark-Paul Gosselaar, 38, who will wed ad-exec Catriona McGinn this summer, a 60-mile bike race in France was more his speed. "I'd rather do something that'll be a memory than something I'd want to forget," says the star of TNT's Franklin & Bash (season 2 premieres June 5). Besides, he's pretty good on two wheels. After competing in more than 20 bike races a year for nearly a decade, "I'm obsessive," says Gosselaar, who eats extra to avoid losing too much weight. But he may get a break after his wedding: "I'd love to ride, but I know better than to do it on my honeymoon!"
Perhaps recognizing that certain cast members had feuded so long and furiously that they were starting to resemble deranged chinchillas, Bravo has retooled The Real Housewives of New York City, adding three women in the Carrie Bradshaw mode: younger, sleeker and hipper. In the June 4 premiere, they're all promising, if too polite, to take on Ramona. Wrong! Injured, outraged self-love is key to any Bravo show. Luckily, previews indicate they all end the season quaking and screaming.
A CHILD STAR'S HEALTH CRISIS
Now a veterinarian, Danielle Spencer-Fields talks about growing up-and overcoming paralysis
Thirty-three years after having "the best experience" playing smart-aleck little sister Dee on the late-'70s sitcom What's Happening!! Danielle Spencer-Fields is still recognizable to fans-just not to the patients she sees in her Saugus, Calif., office. After the show ended, the animal lover became a veterinarian. "It's my dream job," she says. But eight years ago, her life became a nightmare: A tingling in her legs turned into stabbing pain-which led to a diagnosis of spinal stenosis, a narrowing of the spinal column that puts pressure on the nerves. Surgery to correct the condition (her doctors believe it may stem from a 1977 car accident) only made things worse. "I couldn't feel anything below my waist," she says. "I was paralyzed."
When feeling returned months later, she was in excruciating pain; that led to a deep depression that had her contemplating suicide. Buoyed by her husband of 13 years, medical researcher Garry Fields, 50, she battled back mentally and physically, progressing from a wheelchair to a walker to a crutch. "I still have pain, but my life could be much worse," says Spencer-Fields, 46, who is working again and developing a TV show that's "like Dr. Oz with vets." Her life lesson? "Bad things happen to everyone. It's how you deal with them that tells what you're made of."
