Game of Thrones

HBO, March 31, 9 p.m. ET/PT |

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DRAMA

There's event television, and there's Game of Thrones. The HBO fantasy series, launching a superb season 3, has swelled to proportions that make the word "epic" look dinky. With dozens of characters—not including zombie warriors and teenage dragons—the show is like a recipe of Tolkien and Tolstoy, combined with yeast and water and popped in the oven. Now, that's a loaf! Over the first few hours, a sort of happy giddiness sets in as plot strands return that you'd forgotten you'd even forgotten. Is there anything significantly new here? Not really. Everyone repeats the ominous mantra "Winter is coming," as if all the other seasons were keg parties.

But the plot steadily advances, inch by inch. Can Lady Margaery (Natalie Dormer, aided by Diana Rigg as her crafty grandmother) get the upper hand with her fiancé, the grotesque tyrant Joffrey (Jack Gleeson)? Can Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead Wright) make sense of his dreams about three-eyed crows? Can anything conclusive ever come of this mayhem, in which hands are lopped off, military leaders butchered and misfits like Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) unappreciated and underestimated? I don't care. Let's just keep going.

Mr. Selfridge

PBS, March 31, 9 p.m. ET/PT (check local listings) |

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DRAMA

PBS's Masterpiece, home to the phenomenally popular Downton Abbey, has backed the wrong period piece with this fact-based miniseries about the intrigues, upstairs and down, of a London department store. Jeremy Piven stars as Harry Gordon Selfridge, the American-born entrepreneur who in 1909 founded Selfridges, still in operation more than a century later. Piven has the same humming energy he brought to Entourage, but without the profane eloquence of Ari Gold, he's just a handsomely whiskered gentleman shouting to his minions about window displays, perfume counters and publicity stunts. The production is gorgeous and the tedium unrelenting.

Splash

ABC, Tuesdays, 8 p.m. ET/PT

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REALITY

This new diving competition serves as an apt metaphor for its stars, among them comedian Louie Anderson and former Playboy Mansion kitten Kendra Wilkinson: We watch them climb up, stand on the cusp of some kind of greatness, then—aiiiieeeeh! sploosh!—gravity assists them back down. For that alone, this likably silly series has entertainment value. And the premiere, which included Kareem Abdul-Jabbar landing on his belly in the pool, showed the thrill and agony of executing a back somersault when you're 7'2".

How to Live with Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life)

ABC, April 3, 9:30 p.m. ET/PT |

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COMEDY

Sarah Chalke plays a stressed-out divorced mom moving back in with her folks (Elizabeth Perkins and Brad Garrett), a couple whose "laid-back" 1970s attitude has only mellowed with time. Delighted to share their thoughts on sex, they strike their daughter as alarmingly overripe. Chalke and company are all expert comic actors—and Rachel Eggleston, as her little daughter, is adorable—but the pilot (like many pilots) is leapingly frantic, a puppy wanting love. Settle down, then we'll see.

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JUSTIFIED

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CALL THE MIDWIFE

Return of the charming British series about childbirth and other emotional emergencies. PBS, March 31 (check local listings).

THE WALKING DEAD

End to a fascinating season (with Danai Gurira) that found humans out to kill not just the living dead but living people. AMC, March 31.

RENAISSANCE BEAUTY

You play a woman who seduces Leonardo da Vinci. In real life do you have a way with men?

I've never been comfortable being sexy. I'm more goofy. But I suppose I can convince my fiancé [Hunger Games: Catching Fire's Sam Claflin] to do things like scrape baked beans off a plate after dinner. I hate them, so I'm too squeamish to do it.

How will your parents react when they see your nude scenes?

I won't be able to watch this with my mum. I did a film called The Inbetweeners, and she sat next to me at the premiere and said, "I've had a glass of champagne to relax." She may need more for this one!

How are the wedding plans?

I'm crafting a lot for the wedding. I'm making jars and cards. Sam is my boy. We've got a nice balance between the two of us. I'm excited to get married.

On Rogue, DirecTV's first original series, Thandie Newton is intimidatingly fierce. As an ex-undercover detective who's playing the cops off against the mob in order to solve her son's murder, she spits out her lines. Then she steps on them and savors the crunch. The problem is everyone else. The mobsters are so ludicrously unreal, they must have come by clown car.

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KILLER INSTINCTS

You play a criminal profiler who easily solves mysteries. Are you good at solving puzzles?

I'm annoying to play with because I lose patience. I get one-third of the way through and my focus runs. I prefer a game of Charades. I would say I'm quite good at that.

Your dad, Professor Jonathan Dancy, teaches moral philosophy at the University of Texas. What must your dinner conversations be like?

Whatever he might do, he's just the guy at the end of the table, slurping his soup. But he does keep us on our toes. He's a good teacher.

What's it like for you and wife Claire Danes to be first-time parents?

All I ever wanted in life was to be content, and I'm really happy now. I have a wonderful son [Cyrus, 3 months] and a wife who is an amazing mother. I'm so lucky.

How are your diaper-changing skills?

I give myself an 8 out of 10 because I've been peed on. Funny enough, when it's your own flesh and blood, it almost seems sweet. I stress, almost!