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Paula Abdul: My Secret Battle

Thursday April 21, 2005 12:00 PM EDT

During her ordeal, "I isolated myself," says Abdul, whose first marriage (to actor Emilio Estevez, in 1993) lasted two years. Photo by: MICHAEL FERGUSON / GLOBE
Paula Abdul: My Secret Battle| American Idol, Paula Abdul
A few years later I was a Laker girl and I was in a couple of car accidents. As a result, I had some serious neck problems. But as a dancer, you learn control and discipline, and you learn not to complain. So I had stiffness that lingered until over time it turned into chronic neck pain. When I was recording my first album, I had to wear a metal brace that went from the top of my neck to the bottom of my tailbone. The pain was terrible.

I'd have these bouts where I'd get numbness down my arm and I couldn't feel anything. Or it felt like pins and needles. It scared the heck out of me, but I didn't want to tell anyone and interrupt the incredible things that were happening to me.

[On tour in 1992] I'd performed in St. Louis and then got on a plane for Denver. About 40 minutes into the flight, an engine [caught fire]. I remember coming to after we landed in a cornfield. I hit my head on the top of the plane. I tore up my knee, but I was off only one day and then back onstage. As sore as I was, I had to get out there.

But I had problems. I started to have mini seizure-like episodes. My teeth chattered uncontrollably. My fingers locked. I brought a Chinese medicine man out to help me get through the tour. He did everything on me from acupuncture and massage to live leech therapy. He had me give up those comforting, familiar foods like sugar, flour, wheat, meat and chicken. Everything was fish and monkey gallstones. Just gross, disgusting crap. The pain would beso excruciating I'd cry all the time. I knew something was wrong but I hid it from people. No one knew.

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