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The rest of the interview I kept excusing myself to throw up. When they turned off the cameras, Mitchell [and I] embraced. "Great job," he said. "It's going to get better."
The reaction from football players was mixed. [Former teammate] Don Davey called to let me know we were still buddies. Brett Favre's brother sent me an e-mail saying, "Our family still loves you." I did not hear from Brett directly, but that's okay. People process things in their own way.
I wish I had come out while I was playing. [But] it's hard to imagine any NFL player coming out while guys like [former Packer] Sterling Sharpe are saying his teammates would take out a gay man in practice.
Sometimes, I watch film of myself and think, Damn, I played well. I wish I could have done that more regularly. I was fighting my demons. That held me back.
I hope I can create a world for my son and daughter, whether they are gay or not, where they can reach their full potential. My goal now is to educate people to make that possible.
(From Alone in the Trenches by Esera Tuaolo with John Rosengren, copyright Sourcebooks, Inc. 2006, reprinted with permission)
