– George Clooney, upon winning the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Syriana (he was also up for Best Director and Screenplay for Good Night, and Good Luck)
"Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her."
– Host Jon Stewart
"I can't actually walk, but I can stand rather well."
– Nominee Keira Knightley, on the limitations of her tight Oscar gown
"I literally lost control of my bowels up there."
– Philip Seymour Hoffman, on his reaction to winning Best Actor for Capote
"I'm getting a pedicure and a facial. I'm going to walk out of here looking like Scarlett Johansson."
– Nominee Felicity Huffman, at a Hollywood spa, on her pre-Oscar preparations
"I thought she was Charlotte and she's just not. She's a Daisy."
– Meg Ryan, on changing her adopted daughter's name, to Oprah Winfrey
Kevin Mazur / WireImage
– Jessica Simpson, on hiding in the trunk of a car to avoid the paparazzi, to W
"I can't see myself playing another Mafia character for … ever."
– James Gandolfini, on his post-Sopranos career, to Entertainment Weekly
"Obviously, it's not the right time for me to be a father, but the one thing I haven't had the chance to do is be a great dad."
– Nick Lachey, to Teen People