04/06/2007 at 08:00 AM EDT
Two diaries kept by Anna Nicole Smith in the early 1990s paint a portrait of a woman apparently deeply in love with her then-husband, J. Howard Marshall II, but often worried about her weight and disdainful of sex.
"I've been really stressed out lately and depressed and I can't quit eating. I feel like a pig," Smith, who died Feb. 8
, writes in an entry dated Aug. 16, 1992.
The journals, made available to the Associated Press on Thursday, are among several pieces of Smith memorabilia to be auctioned off in a few weeks by Dallas-based Heritage Auction Galleries.
The first diary is a purple and green Hallmark hardback book with the handwritten message on the inside cover: "This diary belongs to Vickie Smith. Do Not Read!" (Smith's birth name was Vickie Lynn Hogan.)
In it, she describes the beginning of her relationship with Paul Marciano, CEO of Guess Inc. "O my Gosh!! Paul Marsiano called today to see if I got his books also I'm gonna go to San Antonio to do photo shoot," she wrote on June 23, 1992. "I'm so excited!! I can't believe this. This could be it." The entry ends with five smiley faces.
Two days later she describes buying $3,000 worth of clothing at Neiman Marcus. "I'm so happy they look great," she wrote. "I hope it empresses Paul Marsiano. ... I'm starving!! I've been starving myself."
Smith launched her career as a model for Guess, eventually replacing Claudia Schiffer as the face of the company's jeans line.
In August, Smith expressed her frustration with Marshall, the oil tycoon 63 years her senior whom she would marry in 1994. "Howard has been buying me som jewelry but he call me 15 or 20 times a day it drives me crazy. I love him but he aggravates me somtimes," she wrote. "I don't no what to do about Paul hes strange guy. I hate for men to want sex all the time."
The entry ends with the word "Chow!" written in large letters and underlined.
The diaries also foreshadow Smith's eventual dependence on the prescription medications that, according to an autopsy report
released in March, killed her in an accidental overdose.
On June 13, 1992, she wrote that she was hung over and watched a movie at home, adding that she "Took a Zandrex!"
In the second diary, a spiral-bound paperback Guess Kids calendar from 1994, Smith describes her relationship with Marshall.
"Hes so very weak and fragile When I touch him Im afraid he might break," she wrote in an undated entry. "If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I'll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care."
Marshall died in 1995, and Smith had been battling his family for a share of his estimated $500 million fortune up until her death.
Heritage Auction Galleries bought the journals from an anonymous German businessman who purchased them and other items on eBay for more than $500,000 several weeks ago, the AP reports.
According to Doug Norwine, director of music and entertainment memorabilia at Heritage, opening bids will start a $20,000 and he expects the diaries to fetch as much as $100,000.