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"I've been hearing rumors that I will be attending," the Baywatch and Borat star, 39, writes on her Web site.
Instead, she'll be holding her own special unveiling of the comedy stateside, on Tuesday.
"I'm having my own premiere with my kids," Bandon, 10, and Dylan, 9, Anderson goes on to say, "in my bed with popcorn."
Fans should not be disappointed, however. Anderson's costar, Denise Richards, will be attending the French premiere, says the blonder star. (Richards is a brunette.)
Of the movie, Anderson says she "can't believe we shot movie in 3 weeks – and that it's getting so much attention." (Not that all of it was favorable. At one point, Richards made headlines for reportedly tossing a photographer's laptop off a hotel balcony.)
Anderson's brother, Gerry Anderson, wrote the movie. "My brother and I always dreamed of making silly movies together – but in the backyard for our parents – so this is exciting – and it's beyond our imaginations – well not his – he truly is talented and hysterical – he will have many more films to come and direct."
She also says that he'll be on tap to write and direct "a few episodes" of her upcoming TV series, Malibu "when we start shooting next spring, I'm sure."
Then, sounding like a sister, she adds, "He'll have to – I'll make him."
JOSH & FERGIE: ROCKED BY SCANDAL
Did he cheat with a stripper?
Married less than a year, the couple denies an Atlanta woman’s claims that she and Josh had a fling
Note that this week’s cover of PEOPLE may differ regionally
