Picks and Pans Review: Mynetworktv's Desire and Fashion House

UPDATED 09/18/2006 at 01:00 AM EDT Originally published 09/18/2006 at 01:00 AM EDT

(Mondays-Fridays, 8 and 9 p.m. ET)
DRAMA

These back-to-back series launch a FOX-financed channel called MyNetworkTV. A better name might have been Thanks-But-You-Can-Keep-It-TV. The overall idea is interesting, though: Both shows are direct adaptations (translated from Spanish) of international prime-time soaps called telenovelas. Both air five nights a week (with a Saturday night recap) for 13 weeks before concluding, and both are glossily inept.

DESIRE is the story of two handsome young brothers, Alex and Louis, who are hiding from the Mob while trying to break into the restaurant business. Other than Michelle Belegrin, who has a mild capricious charm as the cutie the two men love, everyone involved has the sleek, woozy insubstantiality of models in a wine ad.

FASHION HOUSE, which has more potential kick, stars camp empresses Bo Derek and Morgan Fairchild as powerful rivals in the design business. But Fairchild didn't appear in the first episode Sept. 5, which left Derek's thin performance as a diva sadly exposed. She was just a dead volcano—Donatella Versace unplugged. Both:

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