A Slightly Wistful Salute to Those (Including Ourselves) Who Were Found Wanting in 1982

UPDATED 12/27/1982 at 01:00 AM EST Originally published 12/27/1982 at 01:00 AM EST

The Tomorrow, Tomorrow, There Is No Tomorrow Award to:
The movie Annie, which wasn't quite the blockbuster its Daddy Warbucks producers expected it to be.

The Daddy Can You Spare a Dime Award to:
Ballet dancer Ron Reagan, who made his pas debut on the unemployment line.

The New Faces of 1983 Award to:
Miss America 1983, Debra Sue Maffett, whose parents disclosed that Debra Sue had had a nose job.

The Heaven's Gate Award to:
Francis Coppola and his flick-flop, One From the Heart, which cost $23.5 million and grossed just over $1 million.

The Immortal Words Award to:
Ann Landers, who was caught recycling old letters and answers in her column, and her sister, Abigail Van Buren, who admitted doing likewise.

The Money Isn't Everything Award to:
Sheik Mohammad Al-Fassi, who left his gaudy Hollywood mansion only to get sued by one of his three wives for $3 billion only to leave a Miami hotel after racking up an unpaid $1,475,516.34 bill only to offer $3 million to the residents of Midland, Pa., provided they would vote against Ronald Reagan in 1984.

The Mark Twain Exaggerated Death Award to:
PEOPLE, for announcing the demise of Barney Miller's Abe Vigoda before his time.

The Nose for News Award to:
John Z. De Lorean.

The Smart Thinking Award to:
M&M/Mars, the candy manufacturer, for refusing to let E.T. eat M&M's in the movie. E.T.—and thousands of kids—developed an insatiable taste for Reese's Pieces instead, boosting Reese's sales by more than 65 percent.

The Peter Pulitzer Prize to:
Peter Pulitzer, whose Palm Beach, Fla. divorce case elicited testimony that he slept with his daughter and that his wife slept with a woman friend and a trumpet.

The Flat Tire of the Year Award to:
The Dukes of Hazzard, which crashed in the ratings race after stars John Schneider and Tom Wopat abandoned their Dodge and drove off in a huff.
Latest scene: The two may yet agree to climb aboard again to save the series.

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