A Slightly Wistful Salute to Those (Including Ourselves) Who Were Found Wanting in 1982

UPDATED 12/27/1982 at 01:00 AM EST Originally published 12/27/1982 at 01:00 AM EST

The Tomorrow, Tomorrow, There Is No Tomorrow Award to:
The movie Annie, which wasn't quite the blockbuster its Daddy Warbucks producers expected it to be.

The Daddy Can You Spare a Dime Award to:
Ballet dancer Ron Reagan, who made his pas debut on the unemployment line.

The New Faces of 1983 Award to:
Miss America 1983, Debra Sue Maffett, whose parents disclosed that Debra Sue had had a nose job.

The Heaven's Gate Award to:
Francis Coppola and his flick-flop, One From the Heart, which cost $23.5 million and grossed just over $1 million.

The Immortal Words Award to:
Ann Landers, who was caught recycling old letters and answers in her column, and her sister, Abigail Van Buren, who admitted doing likewise.

The Money Isn't Everything Award to:
Sheik Mohammad Al-Fassi, who left his gaudy Hollywood mansion only to get sued by one of his three wives for $3 billion only to leave a Miami hotel after racking up an unpaid $1,475,516.34 bill only to offer $3 million to the residents of Midland, Pa., provided they would vote against Ronald Reagan in 1984.

The Mark Twain Exaggerated Death Award to:
PEOPLE, for announcing the demise of Barney Miller's Abe Vigoda before his time.

The Nose for News Award to:
John Z. De Lorean.

The Smart Thinking Award to:
M&M/Mars, the candy manufacturer, for refusing to let E.T. eat M&M's in the movie. E.T.—and thousands of kids—developed an insatiable taste for Reese's Pieces instead, boosting Reese's sales by more than 65 percent.

The Peter Pulitzer Prize to:
Peter Pulitzer, whose Palm Beach, Fla. divorce case elicited testimony that he slept with his daughter and that his wife slept with a woman friend and a trumpet.

The Flat Tire of the Year Award to:
The Dukes of Hazzard, which crashed in the ratings race after stars John Schneider and Tom Wopat abandoned their Dodge and drove off in a huff.
Latest scene: The two may yet agree to climb aboard again to save the series.

Your Reaction

Follow Us

On Newsstands Now

Robin Roberts: How Loved Saved Me
  • Robin Roberts: How Loved Saved Me
  • Emma and Andrew: All About Hollywood's Cutest Couple
  • Prince George! More Yummy Photos

Pick up your copy on newsstands

Click here for instant access to the Digital Magazine


From Our Partners

Watch It

Editors' Picks

From Our Partners

Sign up for our daily newsletter and other special offers.
    Choose your newsletters
Thank you for signing up! Your request may take up to one week to be processed.
    see all newsletters