Picks and Pans Review: 1990: the Bronx Warriors
Produced by an Italian company and a largely Italian crew, this spaghetti Eastern is about as slow-moving and dim-witted as a film can be. In the not-so-far-off future the Bronx has been declared an open territory, where the law no longer obtains and where, it seems, only terrible acting is allowed. The cast includes Fred Williamson, who can smoke a cigar with the best of them but can't read a line to save his career; Christopher (Peyton Place) Connelly, who seems to wince with every inane line he delivers; the late Vic Morrow; and two young Roman-born actors, Mark Gregory and Stefania Girolami (daughter of director Enzo Castellan), who are both gorgeous and totally inept. They all meander through a plot that has Girolami, who is described as "the wealthiest, most affluent girl in the world," attempting to flee from Manhattan so she doesn't have to inherit a huge arms-making corporation. The characters mostly snarl at each other, and too many scenes serve as mere prelude to some form of desultory hand-to-hand fighting. The only interesting thing about the characters is that, except for Girolami (known simply as "Anne"), they all have names like Hammer, Hot Dog, the Ogre, Trash, Ice and Witch. Castellari, whose previous films included Anonymous Avenger, Hector the Mighty, Great White and (no kidding) Cry Onion!, doesn't call himself anything but Enzo. It is clear, however, that his name from now on should be Mud. (R)
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