updated 05/07/1984 AT 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 05/07/1984 AT 01:00 AM EDT

Unconditional Endearment
Shirley MacLaine often speaks candidly about her affairs of the heart. So the audiences at her new Broadway musical revue brace for some hot news when she starts to describe her latest love. Says Shirley, "I'd like to introduce someone who has just come into my life. I've admired him for 35 years. He's someone who represents integrity, honesty, art, and on top of that stuff I'm actually sleeping with him." Then she reaches back and pulls out from behind the piano a golden boy named Oscar. Everybody laughs, but Shirley may be serious. During an interview at her New York pad before the show opened, one reporter asked where she kept her Oscar. "Oh, it's upstairs in my bedroom," she replied.

Political Prose
With an autobiography by New York's Mayor Ed Koch at the top of the best-seller lists, could one by New York's Governor Mario Cuomo be far behind? Nope. In mid-April the Governor announced the May publication of his diaries. "It might be a marvelous idea to sell it as a twofer with Koch's, like they do in supermarkets," Cuomo suggests. "You know, like giving a sponge with a box of soap suds." Koch has joked that he wants Paul Newman to play him in a movie version of his Mayor, but Cuomo is more realistic in casting himself for the same movie. He wants Leonard Nimoy to portray him.

Getting Their Money's Mirth
You may not hear it elsewhere, but truth be told, they're laughing down on Wall Street. The U.S. financial capital has produced at least 54 jokers, all of them bankers and brokers by day who took the plunge for laughs at the first Wall Street comedy contest. Sponsored by a watering hole called the Compass Lounge, the event drew entrants from bullish Merrill Lynch, outspoken E.F. Hutton and old-fashioned Smith Barney. Henny Young-man helped pick the winner: John Goodlow, 31, a Citibank real estate man. Goodlow took home $500 cash, 10,000 shares of "penny stock," which is worth $100 at most, and a plaque that reads "Don't Quit Your Day Job." Naturally, Goodlow scored most of the yuks with a joke about a bank. The Israeli Bank Leumi, he said, has trained its tellers to sound like Jewish mothers. When you try to make a withdrawal, they respond, "You never write. You never phone. You only come when you want money."

Roughing the Passer
"I don't know if I could be fair to football and be married at the same time," 49er quarterback Joe Montana told the San Francisco Examiner last December. With the way things have gone since, Joe may decide that the strains of marriage can't touch the distractions of divorce. Trying to split from his second wife, Cass, Joe claimed, according to court records, that she held on to some of his possessions: an Apple computer, cowboy hats, a Super Bowl trophy, magazine covers, two German shepherds and an Arabian horse, El Makata. Cass replied that Joe could have all that stuff whenever he wanted as long as she got to keep a diamond pendant, two gold watches, a diamond wedding band, gold earrings, a natural red fox jacket and a Yamaha baby grand piano. She demanded $6,000 a month in support, partly to cover feeding the remaining three dogs, one horse and other barnyard animals. In the end each got their prized possessions, and Cass got $2,250 a month from Joe. Now back to the old gridiron.

Not every public figure worships privacy—some get miffed if they aren't recognized. When actress Catherine Bach gave her name at Manhattan's fancy Sherry-Nether-land Hotel, an innocent reception clerk queried, "Is that Bach as in Johann Sebastian?" Catherine replied, "No, that's Bach as in The Dukes of Hazzard."

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