09/17/1984 at 01:00 AM EDT
ABC (Thursdays, 9 p.m. ET)
Premiere: Thursday, Sept. 13, 8 p.m. ET
Take it from us: Life on a magazine was never like this. They dress too well and their offices are too big. Glitter is a magazine published poolside; you get the story while getting a tan. For ABC it is an excuse to float The Love Boat on a sea of ink. As on the Boat, three or four guest stars' stories unfold at once: A senator is ashamed to learn that a famous madam, Patricia Neal, is really his dying mother; after years apart, feuding former matinee idols Mike Connors and Juliet Prowse reunite and marry—and so flows the sap. Listen to Connors and Prowse as they watch a young, cooing couple. Connors: "Were we ever that young?" Prowse: "And that much in love?" Go to bed, already. Glitter's staff is nothing like Lou Grant's: David Birney is a showbiz reporter who eats pizza at morning meetings; Mercedes-driving Morgan Brittany is his hotshot rival and the boss' daughter; Arthur Hill is the boss (taking over from Van Johnson after the premiere). Glitter is harmless enough—insipid and spiceless. Watching it is like eating popcorn with no salt and no butter. Stale popcorn at that.