Picks and Pans Review: The Cartier Affair
updated 11/05/1984 AT 01:00 AM EST
•originally published 11/05/1984 AT 01:00 AM EST
Finally there's something to recommend this week: a farce. Sure, much of TV is a farce, but the difference here is that The Cartier Affair knows it and acts like it. Joan (Dynasty) Collins is, of course, cast as a bitch, but one with a gooey center. True to type, she is the star of a glossy soap opera, known to her fans as Cartier Rand or "the love weapon." She needs a secretary, "a confidant, not a starstruck stud" to give her "straight talk and straight vodka." She hires David (Knight Rider) Hasselhoff as her secretary, thinking he's gay, which he's not. He's actually an ex-con who is into bad-guy Telly (Kojak) Savalas for money, and he's been set up with Collins to steal her jewels. Joan's boyfriend (Charles Napier), a rancher who spends his spare time emasculating bulls and who doesn't like her Hollywood crowd—"a bunch of parasites, psychopaths and producers"—distrusts Hasselhoff and doesn't believe that he is a "bonafide sissy." Joan's maid tries to seduce Hasselhoff with little notes flashed from her cleavage. Her business manager runs off with her money and her co-star's wife. And on it goes. A great farce is tightly woven; Cartier does have a few loose spots, and it loses considerable credibility when Joan gives away her jewels and shrugs in the face of poverty. So it's only half farce, but that's plenty good enough for two hours of fun.