Picks and Pans Review: Jungle Warriors

updated 12/10/1984 at 01:00 AM EST

originally published 12/10/1984 01:00AM

People who like movies with great acting have it easy. They can watch, say, Richard III with Olivier, Gielgud and Richardson or The Godfather with Brando, Pacino, Duvall and Keaton. But never before Jungle Warriors has one movie's cast contained so many names synonymous with bad acting: Van Pallandt, Gortner, Danning, Vernon, Cord, Smith. No matter how wretched a line is, these actors can make it sound even more wretched. Set in an unnamed Latin American country (it was shot in Mexico), the movie has a script that suggests a cross between the label of a tomato-soup can and a pornographic novel with the sex taken out. John (Animal House) Vernon, Alex (Sidewinder 1) Cord, Sybil (The Salamander) Danning and Paul (Midnight Express) Smith are gangsters involved in a drug-smuggling war. Marjoe (Marjoe) Gortner and Nina (Clifford Irving's ex-girlfriend) Van Pallandt are an art director and a photographer whose plane full of gorgeous models, headed for an advertising "shoot" in the jungle, crashes into the crooks' hideaway. Director Ernst (Chained Heat) Von Theumer has something to disappoint everyone: The action is confused, the violence tedious, the dialogue of the "What the hell's going on here?" school. The gorgeous models even keep their shirts on. Anything would be more fun than seeing this movie, including sitting in a traffic jam or getting a paper cut. (R)

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