03/04/1985 at 01:00 AM EST
NBC (Monday, March 4, 9 p.m. ET)
Romance tries to get you to pull out your crying towels, but you'll be more likely to find the nearest barf bag. Cheryl (Charlie's Angels) Ladd, a college kid touring France, is jilted by her boyfriend (Stuart Wilson). A decade later, Wilson tracks her down on the Orient Express to explain lamely why he dumped her and to win her back. It sounds like an okay plot stolen from Finder of Lost Loves. The scenery between Venice and Paris is beautiful, upstaging even Ladd. The train is beautiful. Even the food is beautiful; the camera practically caresses a nouvelle cuisine lobster on Ladd's plate. There's one good line in the script, from Ladd's horny girlfriend: "I'm not looking for Mr. Right. I'm looking for Mr. Right Now." But that's the only good line. After Ladd and Wilson sleep together, she sulks and says, "It was wrong." He says, "It was beautiful." She says, "It wasn't all that great." That potentially bitchy retort is wasted on Ladd; for her, romance carries all the angst of a cracked fingernail. By the end of Romance on the Orient Express, you'll want to commit murder on the train.