DIRECT RESPONSE: Don't try one-upping Ellen Burstyn. At the fourth annual Women Make Movies festival in Washington, D.C., she told the opening night crowd: "I just left a remote and beautiful island in the Bahamas. My host on the island asked me if I was sure that I had to go. I told him that I had promised to chair a women's film festival. Then he asked, 'Is that really necessary? I've never heard of a man's film festival.' I told him, 'Sure you have. It's called Hollywood.' "
ODDS MAN OUT: Why wasn't Phil Collins asked to perform his Oscar-nominated song, Take a Look at Me Now, from Against All Odds, on Monday's Academy Awards telecast? Columbia Pictures spokesman Gary LeMel told Variety, "I can only imagine they didn't understand who Phil Collins is, how big he is. The producers of the show (Robert Wise, Gene Allen, Gregory Peck and Larry Gelbart) are all older guys." LeMel's suspicions were further fueled when, according to the show biz daily, Gelbart referred to Collins as "Phil Cooper" in a letter he wrote denying Collins' request to perform on the telecast. Poor Collins. He arranged his European tour so he could be available for Oscar's call, which never came.
MORE THAN SHE CAN BARE: Martha Smith, who plays Francine Desmond on Scarecrow and Mrs. King, would just as soon forget that she was a Playboy playmate in 1973. That honor hasn't exactly helped her image as a serious, hard-working actress. But Smith thinks she knows why another former Playboy subject, Suzanne Somers, recently returned to the fold. (Somers' December issue was the magazine's biggest seller last year.) Zings Smith, "Some people don't have a lot to fall back on."
KING OF THE ROAD: Anyone who needs proof that democracy has established more than a toehold in Spain need look no further than the Spanish equivalent of the Department of Motor Vehicles. According to the Italian auto magazine Rombo, a radar speed trap in Majorca clocked a Mercedes 190 doing 90 kilometers per hour in a 60 kph zone. Officials traced the license plate, and promptly sent a notice to the vehicle's registered owner: King Juan Carlos. Although Queen Sofia had been driving at the time, he forked over the fine of 12,000 pesetas—about $65. Seldom, if ever, has a king's ransom been such an unprincely sum.
THEY'RE WILDER ABOUT SPIELBERG: While accepting the D.W. Griffith Award from the Directors Guild of America in Beverly Hills, Billy Wilder remarked that an autograph hound recently asked him to sign three times. When the director of such classics as Sunset Boulevard, The Apartment and Some Like It Hot asked why, he was told: "For three Wilders, I can get one Spielberg."
HOW SUITE IT IS: When Sophia Loren comes to town, she leaves her mark. On a trip to Wilkes-Barre, Pa., to promote the Sophia line of perfumes, she checked into the Sheraton-Crossgates Hotel. But not before some structural changes were made, reports the local Times Leader. So that Loren could visit her secretary, who was in the adjoining suite, a door was built between two rooms. That way Loren could avoid being seen in the hallway. Not that anyone would have noticed if she had used the corridor, as the entire floor was put off-limits to all but Loren and her entourage. Just one question: How much do you tip for a new door?