ABC (Fri., Sept. 20, 9 p.m. ET)
C
Here's just what the season needed—more tough talk. "You've got two choices," the star says as he aims his beloved gun. "One of 'em's real permanent. I'm talkin' 931 rounds without a misfire. You wanna test it one more time?" But the tough talk here is particularly tough to take, laced as it is with sermonizing, philosophizing and just plain pedantry from the mouth of Robert (Vegas) Urich. He plays a Chandleresque detective—actually, a character created in Robert B. Parker's novels—who tells you what he thinks about everything from feminism to fate. A woman says to him, "Isn't happiness itself an abstraction?" Urich the macho Plato replies, "No, it's a feeling. Feelings are real." When he's depressed he says: "I don't know why, but I started thinking about Judy Garland chasing rainbows down these streets." If you watch this one, do it with ear plugs.
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